There may come a time in your life when you want to insult someone without saying anything that's overly mean. Perhaps you want to insult someone in a new way, because you're tired of the standard insults. Or maybe, like me, you're just a fan of silly phrases. Either way, I've come up with 10 insults that you can be sure will leave a lasting impact.
1. You dirty microwave
If someone does something really underhanded or evil, you should hit them back with this insult. Fun game: replace any insult used in "House of Cards" with this; it totally works.
2. You wet sandwich
Any "Fantastic Mr. Fox" fans out there? I use this one from time to time when something sucks, like a wet sandwich.
3. You absolute doughnut
I feel like Gordon Ramsay said this or something very similar, so I'd use this when someone is just being way too stupid.
4. You creepy goblin
Goblins are bad enough, and then you add on the creepy factor and bam! Full effect. I'd use this one if you are receiving unwanted attention, especially from a potential suitor.
5. You slimy pirate
Pirates prided themselves on being many things, but slimy was not one of them. Who'd respect a slimy pirate? Not me. That's why this insult is great for tearing down someone's ego.
6. You stale biscuit
Have you ever had a stale biscuit? They're the worst, probably like the person you'd insult with this line.
7. You pompous canoe
If canoes were sentient, a pompous one would be so annoying; so if someone is annoyingly over-confident, I'd give this one a spin.
8. You turd burger
If someone's being a real jerk, whip this one out. I don't really have any justification; it just feels right.
9. You pathetic banana
I'm not the biggest banana fan myself, but a pathetic one? No sir! If someone's being whiny or lame, I'd throw this at them.
10. You broken elevator
A broken elevator is one of the most inconvenient things when you're trying to get somewhere. If a person is being difficult or inconvenient, try this on for size.
If any of these insults strike your fancy, then run free and use them to your heart's content. I also suggest you come up with your own insults and scenarios to use them in, because this was way too much fun to keep to myself.
