It goes by fast. Time flies. Don't blink.
All of these are phrases we hear so often growing up, yet very seldom do we stop to truly reflect on that accuracy of these statements. Only recently have I done so.
This past month has been a whirlwind of planning, packing, organizing, and most of all emotions. Savannah has been home for the past year. If you would have asked me in September how I felt about this city, you would have heard all the negativity surrounding it. I felt stuck. I felt as though everyone was moving forward with life making leaps and bounds in life and I was slowly drowning as life was being ripped away from me here in Savannah. I was in a rut and quite honestly, I felt lost. My routine consisted of wake up, workout, work, sleep, repeat. I had this nagging notion something was missing but I didn't know what it was. I LOVED my job more than anything, yet I was not fulfilled. So in true Adam fashion, I worked more to just pass the time as I counted down the days. One day, I decided that something had to change and so again, in true Adam fashion, I told myself to stick the year out here until I could move somewhere new (because moving fixes it all right?). So I spent the next 6 months working 50-60 hour weeks just gliding by.
Now don't get me wrong, I had some good times with the best company during these months. I have the best dang girl gang around who have consistently shown up for me and loved me well during some of the hardest times in the last year. (Shoutout to Hannah, Claire, Franki, and Molly). But for as long as I can remember, I have longed to live in the big city (aka NYC) and if you know me, you know once I set my mind to something there is no changing it; I am going to do it. My mama always called it being hard-headed and called me the "show me child" but I like to think of it as being determined ;). So in December, when I called my mama saying I was moving to New York City, she ultimately knew it was only a matter of time until I pulled the trigger.
Fast forward to March and I am in Dallas for my best friend's birthday. The whole time I felt like I was in a glass cabinet watching everyone around me live their dreams while the oxygen was being sucked out of the cabinet and I was slowly dying. I couldn't take much more. I started 2022 adapting the mantra "DO WHAT SCARES YOU". As I sat silently watching all my friends laughing and having the best time, I decided then and there that life is too short and if I didn't pull the trigger now, then I never would. I watch kids fight for life everyday and spend so much of their life trapped in a hospital room without the option to truly live life to fullest. I decided a year ago when I started as a nurse that I would live life fully for the kiddos who can't. So, that Sunday at Social Dallas, I prayed harder than I probably have prayed in a long time. For the first time in a year and a half, I talked to God like He was a best friend and specifically said, "God, if New York is the plan, open a door. If not, that's okay but I need the door to be closed for sure." I left church that morning with a heavy heart and crushing thoughts.
Now, God has continuously amazed me in the last 5 years and so I don't know why I repeatedly doubt. THE VERY NEXT DAY, I received acceptance into New York University's Doctorate of Nursing Practice for their Pediatric Nurse Practitioner program. Now, I will be attending my dream school, The University of Tennessee, for their program instead, but this was just the sign I needed. As soon as I opened the email that day, I knew this was God saying, "My child, the door is open. Walk through." I have prayed fervently through this process for God to continue to make way and lead, and every door I have come to, He's opened in His perfect timing.
Door 1: A job. I immediately started applying for jobs with plans (of my own of course) to move in August and God opened the door almost immediately for me to move in June starting a job not only as a nurse, but allowing me to stay within pediatrics.
Door 2: An apartment. Finding housing in Manhattan is a NIGHTMARE. I vividly recall three separate nights staying up all night stressed over where to live. God not only provided an apartment in an amazing location at an even better price (considering it is NYC), but also provided a roommate so even when I feel completely isolated (because let's be honest, I am sure there will be days I do), I am not alone.
Door 3: Neyland. Neyland is my world. After losing Sailor in December, I was unsure what to do next. Neyland has been exactly what I have needed. He has been my joy on days when I don't want to get out of bed. He has been my light when I felt like the world around was completely murk. But let's be real, NYC is not the most dog friendly city, especially for big dogs like Neyland. As I type this with tear-filled eyes, God has provided a home for Neyland back home. While my heart hurts knowing he won't be going with me to take on the city, I delight in the comfort of knowing he will be at home so I will be able to see him every time I visit and will sleep better at night knowing he will have fields to run in and squirrels to chase, ultimately having a better life in Adel, Ga than he would in Manhattan.
Door 4: Moving. How do you move a completely furnished apartment literally across the country? I racked my brain day after day figuring out solutions after solution with inconveniences at every turn. God provided. Shoutout to the best mama and aunt who helped me find a moving company who will move for me.
I'm sure I will continue to encounter door after door until I move and get settled, but I move forward in faith trusting the Lord to open the doors and if not, trusting in His plan because I know it's greater than mine.
Therefore, I repeat, this last month has been a whirlwind of a lot, but specifically emotions. While I am ecstatic to be moving to the city of my dreams and attending the school of my dreams, I also have a new sense of sorrow I was not expecting. The city I felt so much negativity towards has quickly become a city of comfort and peace for me in the last month. I started enjoying the life I have here, going out and relishing in the small things. I have began to soak up every last breakfast with my girls after those 12 hour shifts, every night spent downtown starting at saddlebags and ending at club one, every walk or run through Forsyth Park, and every last workout at my favorite place with the best team around; shoutout to Orange Theory Savannah for giving me "More Life" in more ways than one. And I intend to do so for the next four weeks up until the very last minute that I leave Savannah. They mean it when they say don't blink, it goes by way too fast.
All I have left to say is Thank You. Thank you Savannah for growing me as a person. Thank you for pushing me to my limits and proving to myself that no matter what, I won't break. I may have a breakdown, but I will continue to get up and move forward. Thank you Claire and Franki for walking side by side with me the last year. You walked with me through a nasty break-up, a death, a season of agony. But you also walked with me in times of joy and laughter. You both have shown me grace where I needed and reminded me that I am worthy of all the good things this world has. Thank you Molly for reminding me that good people still exist in this world. Thank you for always matching my energy and being there with a listening ear. Bea and Kaytee, thank you both for helping me to see that life is what I choose to make of it. Karmen and Lizard, thank y'all for being my work moms and my voice of reason. Thank y'all for helping me to stay grounded when I wanted to be in clouds. To my manager Traci, thank you for giving me the chance to grow as a nurse and start my career in pediatrics. Thank you for giving me a place I could come to as a safe haven when the world around me felt like it was crashing and I just needed to get away. Hannah, thank you for continuing to be my person. An hour away and nothing has changed. You love me at my worst and you inspire me to pursue every dream I have. You choose me when I struggle to choose myself and you remind me that I cannot pour from an empty cup. You truly get me like no one else in this world.
To my Mama and Aunt Susie, thank y'all for every sacrifice y'all have made from birth to now and continue to make so that I can achieve every dream and goal of mine. Thank y'all for always supporting me and always being my biggest cheerleaders. I love y'all most and even though I may be 1,000 miles away, I'm always just a facetime away (and you both know I love a good reason to catch a flight ;) ).
Cheers to new adventures and new beginnings!