There was a time when I thought I would never know what it would be like to actually know someone who made the decision to take their own life. It’s something I’d only seen talked about on the news or seen happening in other schools and communities. But it’s a feeling I now know.

Though it were someone I was not close to, it’s still just that feeling that stays in the back of your mind. You constantly wonder why it happened, and what could’ve stopped it from happening. You wonder for the family and close friends, and you really can’t even try to picture how they may be feeling.

I began writing this poem my sophomore year of high school (I’m currently a freshman in college). I tried to place myself in the shoes of someone who may have lost someone to suicide, and capture with words how they may have felt. This poem is an example of slam poetry. Example video to slam poetry:

Please keep in mind before reading that this poem is about a very serious and sensitive topic.

You were always so open

yet you never said a word.

I never knew that so much pain

was bottled up inside of you.

You faked the smiles, and you faked the laughs.

I thought you were OK

when really you were a mess.

You did it with such ease.

You pulled the trigger,

then fell fast to your knees.

Tears were streaming down my face

when I got the news.

I didn't want to believe you were gone.

I didn’t want to believe this was true.

All I could do was cry in my room.

I go back to school,

And nothing is the same.

Things are so different, it's all so quiet.

We're all so lost with so much pain in our hearts.

We don’t know what to do.

There’s a moment of silence

and notes left for you.

But I can’t shake this feeling.

The feeling that maybe

This wouldn't have happened if I had known

what was really going on with you.

I can't go on,

I need you here

How could you do this and just leave me here?

What about your family, didn't they matter to you?

Or what about me, didn’t I mean anything to you?

I can't sleep and I can't eat!

All I can do is picture you

And all of the pain you were going through.

How selfish of you, how dare you give up and let go!

How dare you leave me with all these pieces to pick up!

Why didn’t you tell me you felt this way?

I could have helped you!

You always said you wanted to leave your mark.

But when people say "go out with a bang,"

they don't mean it this way.

So many people come to your funeral,

many tears are shed.

Your siblings share stories about you

And leave mementos at your grave.

I can't even stay in the room,

my screams are just too much to bear.

Without you here, I am lost.

There is an empty hole in my heart;

it’s where you should be.

Things die down,

people let it go.

The days go on,

the sun still shines,

and the hands on the clock continue to move

even without you.

Life goes on for everyone including me.

But without you here,

our lives will never be the same.