One of the biggest terminating factors in relationships is boredom. People claim that the “spark” they once had with their partner is simply not there anymore, and they must reinvent new ways to keep an interest in that person. So what is the common denominator here? Why do we lose attraction in individuals we were once so infatuated with?
Firstly, it is important to understand what attraction is and where it stems from. It isn’t news that we are often attracted to people for their mystery. A sense of mysteriousness and uncertainty is what brings people together in an attempt to further understand one another. It is the determining factor for attraction that eventually, develops into a deeper form of emotional intimacy or love for that person.
Knowing this, we can conclude that a lack of mystery in a relationship is the common denominator as to why attraction diminishes and relationships reach a stage of boredom. However, I am arguing that this lack of mystery is nothing more than an illusion, and here’s why.
Stating that there is a lack of mystery in our partner implies that there is nothing more to learn about them. In reality, it is impossible to ever obtain all there is to know about a person. Human beings are constantly evolving. Through experience, we gain knowledge that may alter or widen our perspectives, beliefs, and attitudes.
Additionally, being in a relationship challenges us in ways that shed a new light on how much we understand others and ourselves. Nothing about our partner is ever certain, and it is dangerous to think otherwise. We never truly know another human being in their entirety, and there is always more to learn about them.
The illusion is this; people equate being comfortable with a person as knowledge of that person. Often people become comfortable with one another and stop getting to know each other. They stop asking their partner for their opinions on various topics and ideologies, or telling each other stories about their lives and discussing those minute, quirky details that are characteristic of their unique human experience.
The fact is, we never know as much about our partners as we think we do. They are dynamic individuals who are always changing, and thus, we must treat them like so, rather than the overly simplified and stereotyped version of who we think they are.
Never stop getting to know your partner or any of your loved ones for that matter. The assumption that there is nothing more to learn about the people in our lives is the very reason people drift apart and relationships terminate. It is why parents lose close relationships with their kids, or why married couples become bored and end up divorcing.
In order to maintain healthy and growing relationships, we must continue to treat the people in our lives as if we are still getting to know them, because there is always more to learn about the evolving human being.
