Imagine this:
You don't really know your friends, you don't really know your best friends and they don't really know you.
I can almost see the eye rolls and hear the scoffs through my computer as I type those words into existence, but hear me out. We all have secrets. We all have struggles. We all have things that we can't talk about because we are scared and because we are lost. Scared of what we are going through, scared of what our friends (the people who are supposed to love us) will think and lost in this world that we live in.
So, we hide things, we keep them in and we struggle alone. Sometimes, we eventually tell someone what's happening and usually the people we tell are our friends, are our best friends, but a lot of times it takes a long time to work up the courage to tell them. Think about how long you or your best friend struggled with something alone, how long you or they had no idea what was going on with the other, how long one of you were out of touch with who the other is, what they're going through and what they need.
I really hope I am wrong. I hope you can tell your friends and you best friends all of your struggles and that they can either help you or just be there for you, and I hope they can do the same with you, but I don't think that I am.
For us especially, college students, our deep internal struggles can be constant. College is a transitional period. This is the time where we are changing from those little children running around in the world, to the adults who are going to be running the world and we are figuring out just what kind of adult we will be. This is a time of learning, understanding, growing, and hopefully accepting for us, shaping who we will be for the rest of our lives. This leaves a lot of room for internal battles.
Who we are isn't always someone who is easily accepted by the world. Other times, who we are isn't always someone who is easily accepted by our families and in our friendships. Worst of all, who we are isn't always easily accepted by ourselves. This rejection of who we are by the world, by our families, our friends and ourselves leads to things that we don't always feel we can talk about, so we don't. We struggle along because it feels better than losing someone we love. We are scared and we are lost.
You don't really know your friends, you don't really know your best friends, and they don't really know you.
Eating Disorders.
Do you think your best friend is going to tell you that she hasn't eaten a real meal in weeks? Or tell you that when she does she feels horrible about herself for days? She is so torn down by the way she views herself she can't even talk with herself about it, how is she supposed to talk with you too?
Anxiety.
So you know your friend's anxiety is really bad, but do you know everything that triggers it? Do they tell you every time they are struggling with it internally? Probably not.
Depression.
A lot of times someone struggling with depression can't talk easily about what they are feeling, so do you think they told you?
Sexual Orientation.
Your friend, best friend, family member, whoever is in the closet and you have no idea.
Bad home life.
Do you know what happens when they go home? Maybe they tell you, maybe they don't.
Violent relationships.
Maybe they told people for awhile, but stopped when people downplayed what was happening or blamed them instead of helping them, so not they keep it to themselves again.
The list is endless, but these are examples of all of the things that you may not know about the people closest to you. Some of this stuff is easier for some to talk with their friends about than it is for others. Some people feel that when they tell the people that they care about what is going on that they are burdening them, so they keep it to themselves.
My point in sharing this lesson that I've learned is not to make you distrust your friends, but to make you more conscious to what goes on in the world. We make jokes with our friends and say some stupid things because they are our friends and because we feel comfortable. Sometimes we say things and joke around in ways that would change if we really knew what the person was going through.
Keep that in mind as you make your way through the world.
