From And For The Girl Who Never Felt 'Invited'

There are countless memories where I can remember being left out.

When I moved to Boaz in 3rd grade I remember my teacher told the class to get in groups to do a project. I remember asking my teacher who I could be in a group with because every time I asked they would say, "I'm sorry we already have too many." Being the "new" girl was hard but being excluded from a lot because everyone already had their groups/friends hurt more.

Being left out sucked.

The beginning of my 9th-grade year. My "best friend" and I were planning on going to the movies and then spending the night with each other. At the last minute, she called and said, "I can't go. My mom won't let me." We had this planned for a week, so disappointed was an understatement. Long story short she had gone with one of my other "friends" to the movies and spent the night with them.

Once again, devastated, and feeling like I wasn't good enough. It hurt. a. lot.

I made new friends and became apart of a "group" - however, the feeling of being "uninvited" still was always there.

You would think making new friends and feeling like you were apart of something would give you all the confidence in the world to be a part of every little thing. That's the image it gives off at-least right?

Wrong.

Every day and still to this day I´ll walk into the lunchroom and see that ¨group¨ of friends and wonder if someone saved me a seat or even thought about me in the process. Standing at my classroom door with anxiety wondering if there was going to be a seat for me or if I would have to go ask someone who I didn´t know if I could sit with them.

The whole "fitting in" thing has always been a struggle for me in every category and still is.

What I´m trying to say is, we were never made to fit in. I went through those moments so I could be the person in the room who knows how it feels. So I can be the person who can make best friends with the girl who doesn't have a seat. So I can be the person who sees the new girl and welcomes her/him with open arms and includes them in activities. So I can be the person who makes another feel invited.

We were made to make a difference and yes, although the desire to "fit in" sucks, we weren't made to fit in, we were made to blaze our own trail and be the kinda person you needed when you were younger.

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