"I Want To Know What Love Is" by Foreigner, AKA the perfect song to describe my life! In all honesty though, at 22 years old, I have (at so many times) felt behind my peers in the love department, but that hasn't once stopped me from looking for it.
I thought I had fallen in love a couple of times. I remember thinking to myself is this what love is? But having to ask myself that answered my question simply: no. I hadn't fallen in love and it wasn't what love what supposed to be.
The movies, the books. They all portray this whimsical sort of love. They have to base the movies and books on something, so that love must be real.
Even my friends have found love like that. Sure, it isn't without work, but that's why I believe it's out there. I've seen it with my own eyes.
When you enter into a relationship of any form, you start to learn about someone's quirks, the things that make them unique. That's my favorite part of relationships because you get to see parts of a person's personality that they don't always show to everyone else. As someone's personality begins to unveil itself to me, that's when I feel myself falling for someone.
Though I may begin falling, I have never fallen all the way. That can be discouraging at times, especially when some I've found interest in have had at least one serious relationship before. I feel like I won't be taken seriously by people when they learn I've never been in a serious relationship.
That makes me naive, I suppose. Maybe they'll think that no one would put up with me for that long for numerous reasons. It makes the whole process of finding love even more daunting.
So I don't have much experience, but it doesn't mean I can't try to make things work. Every part of a relationship has the potential to be an opportunity for learning. And maybe because I have been vicariously living through my friends in their relationships, I can use what I have learned from them.
And yes, every relationship is different, but the principles behind what I've learned can help me in my own relationships.
Do I second guess myself every time there is the potential for a new relationship? Most definitely. It's scary because it's territory I've never fully been able to explore. My experience has allowed me to know what I want and what I don't want though, so I know if I even want to dive into a relationship before I set myself up for heartbreak.
I do love being single, just because I can do what I want, travel, and spend time with whomever I want and not have to worry about how it affects someone else. At the same time, I do want to be able to have someone to call my own. There's some difficulty in deciding which I rather have right now.
All in all, I may have never been in love, but I'm happy with who I am today. Everyone's timeline is different, so my chance at love will come when I'm good and ready. Until then, I get to enjoy being single and find out more about myself.
