Everyone has been scared at some point in their life. We have all had our heart racing and palms sweating, but my palms aren't sweating, my heart isn't racing and I am not scared of where I am going. However, I find myself nervous. I am nervous to go home. I have this feeling that being home is going to be different. I can't figure out why. I went home for Christmas Break. It was great, but I worked a lot and was barely home, so it was like I was away at school. I just came home to a different building and my high school friends came to "school" with me. I guess it was a different type of being away.
When I go home for summer, it won't be like Christmas Break. There will be many similarities like I will be working, I will be living at home, and I will be home with friends from high school.
I believe going home makes me anxious due to the fear of returning to an old routine. Being at school, I have developed my own routine and new habits. Going home means interrupting my family's as well as my new routines and habits. I think that there will be an adjustment period of syncing the new habits and routines. I am scared of the awkwardness and the tension that comes with being together again. When I say tension, I mean remembering the little things that get on family members nerves and being conscious of their schedules.
This applies to seeing friends, too. Everyone changes from the transition of high school to college. Different aspects of our personalities grow while others remain the same or wither away. I'm interested to see who has changed and who has stayed the same and how all these changes mesh when being together again.
I believe the majority of students feel this way when going home for the first time. For the most part, I have heard that little to no one wants to go home for the whole summer. Most want to go for a visit because he or she loves and misses their family and friends, but school is a new sense of freedom.
This freedom makes going back home good and bad. We as students receive the encouragement to grow to make our own path, but going back home takes away some of our independence. We have to follow old rules and expectations. This brings the tension back into the equation. Once one has the freedom to make their own decisions, it is hard to go back to having someone telling you what to do.
Another point knowing that the summer after freshman year is probably the last real summer. After this summer, students will be trying to land internships, jobs, and trying to graduate on time or early. So knowing that it's the last "free for all" instills one wanting to make the most of it.
I guess you could now say that I am not nervous to be home. Rather, I am curious to see what the summer brings. I will be missing my college life, loving my time with my family, and figuring my life and the goals that come along with it.