There are different kinds of friends, and one very distinct kind is the neighbor.
Specifically in childhood, we are prone to be friends with our neighbors. I mean the literal, physically close kind of neighbors. That’s what this article focuses on: neighborhood friends of childhood.
This may seem inconsequential; random; dull. Yet it’s important. I’ve been pondering my friendships with neighbors over the years, and I’ve realized just how much of an impact they made on me.
These friends are different: different from school friends, church friends, or any other kind of friends. Why? What is it about neighbors?
I have a few thoughts. They may not be your thoughts; you may disagree or have more. But here they are.
The thing about neighbors is, if you’re very close to them at all, you visit each other’s houses; you see each other’s rooms. You are part of one another’s lives, in a very intimate way which you aren’t always with other friends.
At least this was what my friendships were like with close neighbors. When I was very young I had a next-door neighbor who was, I think, a few years older than me, or maybe close to my age, I can’t remember. But I remember going up to her room a few times.
When we moved to another house I played with two brothers across the street from me—they seemed to like to tease me and play jokes on me a lot. They were around my age I think, but I never got to know them too well. They weren’t close friends. And I don’t think I ever went in their house.
But when we moved again and I met some new neighbors, I got to know them and their house very well. I was mainly friends with the girl, but also with her younger brother by default. I went regularly into both of their rooms, saw their clothes and closets, lounged around both of their floors and beds, shot hoops in the brother’s room and listened to music in hers.
Of course since her brother was a sports nut I played sports with him a lot—football and basketball mostly. Sometimes she played too. But going inside their home was what made the friendship so intimate. I saw some of the most personal parts of their lives: the places they slept, got dressed, and brushed their teeth; their own valuable possessions.
At times I very much felt a part of their family. I ate lunch with them several times; and once, dinner.
And they did include me in parts of their lives. The girl was part of FFA in high school, and sometimes I got to go with her (and perhaps her brother, and/or another friend of hers) in their dad’s truck to see the animals. I was privy to her dad’s musical tastes, the jokes between him and my friend, and jokes between her parents as well when I was around them.
It’s a bit harder to hide family life from neighbors, especially if you’re friends. Some things can be hidden, but it’s hard to hide negative aspects of relationships all the time. At the rate I saw their parents, I’m sure at least a few times they were acting completely normal, not hiding a thing. Perhaps there’s a certain honesty with true friendships between neighbors.
Something else makes neighbor friends special: by virtue of living close to each other, you spend a lot of time together. I had friends from school, good friends too, who I saw every day. But I also saw my neighbors from across the street nearly every day too—and it was so easy to get in touch with them. All I had to do was run across the street.
We rode bikes all over the neighborhood, went swimming together in my backyard, lounged on their front steps together, played games together.
Another special aspect of having neighbors as friends is that the odds of them being the same age as you is not too good. Of course age doesn’t matter much to adults; but to kids it matters a lot. The neighbor girl I met was four years older than I was; her brother, three years younger. Yet we all got on swimmingly.
By virtue of these age differences I was able to grow as a person, in maturity, and was able to practice inhabiting different roles. With her, I was a younger sister; with him, an older sister. I marveled at her maturity; the way she did her hair; her life in middle and high school; her music and friends and confidence.
Her brother, despite being younger than me, taught me about sports. From him, and his dad, I learned how to throw a football, and learned the rules of football and basketball. I also learned how to be (somewhat) competitive, and how to deal with a sometimes annoying presence when I wanted to be alone with his sister. For me, someone who had no siblings, the experiences I had with these neighbor kids was eye-opening and, I think, very important to my social maturity.
There were occasional other neighbor kids too: for a while, a couple brothers lived next door to me; then another boy moved in there, and we played with him sometimes, but I rarely went in his house. Perhaps as a result, that intimacy I had with the kids across the street was lacking with him.
The neat thing about having neighbors as friends is that you’re friends because of proximity first (and maybe only). You may have common interests, but your friendship started, and is largely maintained, because you live so close together.
“Live” is the key. Neighbor friends are very unique for several reasons, but the key to intimacy in these friendships is the proximity, and blending, of homes and living situations. Sharing each other’s homes—something that is rarely done anymore—is perhaps the one thing that allows friendships with neighbors to be so close.
