Let’s get a couple of things established right here off of the bat, I am a negative person, and no matter how many times you tell me to be positive, I will not magically become positive.
I have always been a negative person. I do not remember a time in my life that I have ever been positive about something. If I have had a positive experience, yeah, of course, I’ll talk about it in a positive light, but in planning ahead and thinking about every day life, I do not typically think of things in a positive manner. This, my personality, is in no way a reflection of you.
Okay, now that we have this settled, let me get back to my point.
Let’s start off with an example here. Say we have been having a conversation about a test that is coming up in one of the classes we are in together. We talk about how we have been studying and our grades in the class so far. We come to the day before the test. I say something along the lines of “I know that I am going to fail this test tomorrow”. Your face immediately goes from being happy and optimistic to worried for me. You will then say something along the lines of “oh, don’t say that, you need to be positive about it”. I’ll then go down a long list of reasons that I know that I will fail this test. I know that I am bad at tests in general, I could study and cram for this test as much as my brain will let me, I could feel totally prepared for it, I know everything on the study guide, I have my flash cards and I’m ready to go. I am still going to tell you that I am going to fail the test tomorrow. That is who I am. I may feel prepared and ready for the test, but I know that my anxiety will kick in tomorrow about ten minutes into the test and tell me that I don’t actually know anything on the test. It is who I am.
Next example, we are in a business endeavor together. I say that we are going to do as well as the other people that are in the same type of business we are (think of competing restaurants in the same small town). Why do I say this? Because I don’t have confidence in myself and my hypothetical restaurant managing abilities that you do. You tell me that I need to be more positive. This does not give you permission to exclude me from the business. What does this actually tell me? This tells me that you don’t trust me enough to go into business with me. What you’re telling me is that you think I need to change my personality for the benefit of you. Why should I change my personality for you? Why should you not have to change your personality to fit me?
Telling me that I need to read professional development books, or self-help books to “get over myself” will not help anything. Have I read professional development books and self-help books over the years? Yes. But do those books, positive as they are, have any effect on me and my negative personality? Nope.
Just because I am negative does not mean that I do not have a happy life. It does not mean that I am impulsive. It does not mean that I make rash decisions. It does not mean that I am not fit to do a specific job. It does mean, however, that I am being myself around you. Oh, and it isn’t one of those “mental things I have going on” either.
When I was searching for pictures to add to this article, I typed in "negativity" on Google. Not the best idea in the world. Some common words that popped up were "ignorance", and "stupidity". That started to make me really mad. Why does negativity have to be a bad thing? Am I a bad person for simply having this personality? No, of course not. I am being myself. I could say "ignorance" and "stupidity" about some of the people that tell me not to be negative. I do not deserve to be treated badly just because my personality is different than yours. A messy person doesn't call a neat person "ignorant" or "stupid" because they don't pick up after themselves, or vice versa.
We had this class discussion in one of my education centered classes. The teacher asked "why should you never tell your students that there are no 'negative Nancy's' are allowed in your classroom?" My hand shot up. I proceeded to give her my personality based answer. Her response? "You're right". This teacher in particular, was a special education teacher by trade, she said that the students that are in your classroom, have various disabilities, so sometimes, they have a negative outlook on life. Crappy stuff happens to them. They deserve to have whatever outlook on their life that they want. You don't get to judge their circumstances and tell them how to feel. Your job is to validate their feelings, and let them know whatever they feel, is perfectly okay.
My point here is: why should I have to change my personality for you? I am a negative person. I do not see “the bright side”. I always think of the bad that will happen, rarely the good. And just because I am a negative person does not mean that I am depressed, so don’t tell me that I “need help”.
Why should you not have to change your personality for me?
