We have all experienced that horrible feeling of being jealous. Being more specific, most of us have felt it when someone, a stranger or a friend, openly flirts with your significant other. You can’t help it before jealousy and its friend territorial come down in a rain of fiery terror over the person who made the mistake of flirting with your person. You may think that by putting on the whole “This person is mine” act will scare off all possible threats to your relationship with your partner. You may even think you’re attractive for “protecting what’s yours.”
But here’s the truth. Being territorial and jealous does nothing but hurt you and your relationship.
I hate to be the blunt one, but being jealous and territorial of your partner is not cute, sexy, mature, or making the statement you want. Being that kind of person toward your partner makes you look childish and immature. Here are a few reasons why you need to stop being jealous and territorial in a relationship.
- A person is a human, not an item: I see posts all the time on Facebook about how girls will act if anyone flirts with their partner and how they are only “protecting what is rightfully theirs.” I’m sorry, but when did a person become an object? If you are dating someone, you are dating a person with feelings, dreams and friends of all genders. Treating the person you date like an object that must be protected at all times is not an attractive quality. Which leads me to number two.
- You look like a crazy person: That’s it! I said it! Being jealous and territorial makes you look like a crazy person. It makes you look like you are obsessed with your partner and you will not allow him/her to be friends with anyone of the gender they are attracted to. NEWS FLASH! Your significant other is going to have friends of all genders and you are just going to have to come to terms with the fact that even though you may want to jump on your partner and prove to the world that you are theirs, that doesn’t mean everyone else is going to find your partner attractive.
- It will cause issues with you and your partner: Most of the time when couples fight, it’s because one of them is acting jealous or territorial. Whether it’s your partner liking someone’s selfie, hanging out with someone you had never met before, or they did not respond to your text the millisecond you sent it to them, having a jealous moment meltdown will not solve anything. These traits tell your partner, and your friend, that you will go to extreme lengths to make sure that you have to be the center of their universe in your partner's world and no one else is allowed in. NEWS FLASH! You are not the sun. Your partner has other commitments and priorities other than being your partner. You cannot be jealous because your partner does not drop everything they are going through to pay attention to you.
If you or someone you know is a jealous/territorial person and they want to get control over their green-eyed monster side, here are some tips to follow.
- Let go of what happened in past relationships: Part of the reason some people are the jealous type in a relationship is because they have been cheated on in a past relationship and therefore want to be sure in their next relationship it does not happen again. You have to remember that your partner is not "that ex." Your partner (whether it is a new person or an old flame who has proven they have changed) is a different person from "that ex."
- Have trust in your partner: When you show your partner your jealous and territorial side, it tells them that you do not trust them. And do not say “I trust my partner, it’s others I do not trust,” because guess what - that’s being territorial too. As a friend once told me, “It takes two to tango, and you have to trust your partner when they say they don’t want to tango with anyone else but you.” By showing your partner that you trust them (a.k.a, not going through your partners phone, Instagram or Facebook likes, and not texting them 24 hours a day, 7 days a week constantly needing to know where they are) they will feel like they can trust you to do the same for them. Also, trust that your partner will tell others that they are taken if someone starts flirting with them, and know that if something was up your partner would tell you.
- Get to know your partner's friends: When you meet your partners friends, you get to see how your partner interacts with their friends and what they do when they hang out. You may find that you love his friends and want to be friends with them too. You just have to give them a chance. By showing interest in wanting to hang out with your partner's friends, it tells your partner that you want to hang out together in a group, along with hanging out one on one.
- And finally, learn to relax: Step back. Breathe. Re-evaluate situations and think to yourself if the way you are acting is logical or not. When you relax, you become less anxious about everything else going on around you. Relaxing vibes are contagious and can be spread to other people, including your partner, and can make others happier.
