Recently a friend told me about his social hypothesis on relationships. He said to think of the amount someone cares as an inverse relationship to the other person. For example, if you care 70 percent, then the other person only cares 30 percent, and vice versa. Think of the stereotypical situation of a girl pining after the aloof guy that barely texts them and never really makes an effort to hang out. And boys are no better. God forbid a girl asks them out or makes a move first, cutting into their masculinity and labeling her as "desperate." If that same girl plays "hard to get" (hence acting like she doesn’t care) then it makes her all the more attractive.
We want what we can’t have. Celebrity crushes are an exaggerated version of this. Think of Benedict Cumberbatch. While he is an amazing actor, the whole fandom dedicated to worshiping his face wouldn’t exist if he were an ordinary guy. If you were to see him walking down the street, you might think, “Hey he’s kinda attractive,” but then keep walking. So when a person shows you that they genuinely care we turn the other way and run because that makes them accessible.
Here’s the problem with trying to play the “I Care Less” game: No one wins. Okay, say you’ve convinced the other person that yeah, you really couldn’t give two sh*ts; sometimes they wise up and move on. Now they are the ones who don’t care but this time it’s not an attempt to win you over. They just got smart. Now let’s reverse the situation. It’s hard to be sure if the other person isn’t interested or if they are pretending to be aloof in the hopes of remaining in the mysterious realm of “unattainable.” So you begin to text them less, maybe not hang out as much, and slowly you just drift apart, your relationship becoming another unnecessary casualty.
We need to stop this ridiculous game of waiting an hour to respond to a text, not initiating a conversation because “Oh I texted first last time,” and subtweeting like it’s our job. We have to become comfortable admitting that yes, we do care and not running away when someone is brave enough to admit it. To be bold and say “Hey you there, I like your face and I like you” is like being up on the high wire without a safety net. Let’s face it, all you are doing when you pretend you’re not invested is weaving that safety net in case you get slapped with rejection. If you metaphorically plummet to your death just dust yourself off and move on. No more late nights wondering if they didn’t Snapchat you back because they are trying to seem cool or because they just didn’t want to. You get the freedom of knowledge and ability to pursue another instead of staying hung up on one person.
So be brave and stop acting like you don’t care.
