I was born with naturally curly hair. And no, I don't mean the beachy, wavy curls all our favorite Hollywood actresses don on the red carpet. I'm talking about the untamable, sometimes unmanageable, NATURAL curls. When I was younger, I used to have tight ringlet curls.
As I got older, they loosened and frizzed right up, creating a monster no detangling spray could fix. At the time, I was probably about 13, when my mom bought us our first straightener. Like me, my mom also has naturally curl hair. Sometimes, it's just too much to handle, and straightening seemed to be the easiest way to look presentable. So, thus began my long, almost 10 year journey of straightening my hair almost everyday.
There was a period of time when I was 16-17 where my hair was incredibly long, and I never straightened it because even that became too much of a hassle and my hair looked semi-cute curly. Of course, I had to straighten my side swept bangs no matter what, though.
It wasn't until I went to college where I really felt pressured to look my best 24/7. I'd wash my hair every other day, air dry it, and straighten it at night. With a hectic schedule and working almost 30 hours a week, you can imagine how much time this took out of my life. The thing is, I didn't have an identity outside of my straight hair. My friends knew me as the girl with the silky long straight hair. Guys only showed interest in me when I had straight hair. I used to fear stepping out of the house with my natural curls because to me, that was just unacceptable.
Well, this summer I took on quite the challenge. I didn't straighten my hair at ALL. How did I do it, you ask? Well, I'd like to say that one day I just woke up loving my true self and rocked my natural hair, but that's not the case at all. You see, when I started dating my boyfriend, I had a rough day and he came over and saw my naturally curly disaster that I was, and guess what? He LOVED my natural hair. Matter of fact, one day while I was straightening my hair, visibly dying from the heat, he said to me, "Why do you straighten your hair? I love your natural curls. Matter of fact, I prefer it." I looked at him with my half done hair and my mouth fell open.
"What? You don't like my hair better straight?" I was kind of shocked and a little upset. "No, actually, I don't really like your hair straight at all." Ouch. This was a major blow to my ego. All this time I thought I was presenting the best side of me to him, and he preferred my #JustWokeUp look. For awhile I was insulted, but then I realized he was complimenting my natural beauty, not dissing it.
So, when summer came, it became more of a chore than anything to straighten my hair. Between going in the pool, beach, showering, it just didn't seem feasible to ALWAYS be straightening my hair.
I started going to work with curly hair, to the store, to hang out with friends-- all the things I was scared to do before. I was doing it, and no one was treating me differently. If anything, I got more compliments than when I would have straight hair.
Now, I'm not saying my confidence is fixed and I'll never touch a straightener again, but I have learned to love my hair. I've also learned to listen to it, as well. I'm finding what hair products work for my natural hair, what moisturizes it and tames the ffrizz, and what makes it cakey and unnatural.
Overall, I have learned that just like anything else, my hair needs balance. I don't ALWAYS have to straighten it to look my best. I don't ALWAYS have to straighten it to impress people. And mostly, I learned I don't exist to impress people. If you don't like me because my hair curls, then you're the one with the confidence issues, not me.
