Freshman year, the Class of 2017 was assigned a project that I didn't think would ever amount to anything. We were told to write a letter to our future selves, a letter we would receive during the final semester of our high school careers. Through the trials and high school crises of the three years following, I forgot about the letter and the words I left on my page. To my surprise, the envelopes didn't get lost after all that time, and all of us seniors reminisced on the words we wrote at four years younger. I have questions to answer and thoughts to finish from myself, and I also have a few things to respond to. If I could go back in time and hand the confused and discouraged Tess a new version of this original letter, I would. But I can't do that, so here's what I wish I could tell myself four years ago, from the newly found and inspired Tess.
Let them go.
"__ is my best friend, and I intend for her to be when you're reading this."
You gave maximum effort at keeping that tight knit bond with her, but you couldn't make it happen. Newsflash, people grow, and growing sometimes mean leaving those closest to you behind. You try to please every single person you encounter, and I'm sorry to tell you this, but that's absolutely impossible. You will learn to accept the idea that some people just aren't meant to be in your life, and if they are compelled to leave, open the door.
"No" is a powerful word.
I know for a fact that you won't admit it, but you're a people pleaser. You choose your words carefully to avoid making anyone unhappy even if that means you leave upset. I think you'll be happy to hear that you've learned when to say no. Unfortunately it took you quite awhile, so it's important to learn how and when to put yourself first. You don't have to say yes to everything just because that's what one person wants you to say. If you don't want to go somewhere, say no. If you don't want to do something, say no. If you don't like the way someone is treating you, say no.
Be your own #1 fan.
I cringe when I look back at your current support system. You found comfort in all the wrong places and I've just recently learned that the only constant you will have is yourself. Like Aaron Burr in 'Hamilton' s(ings)ays, "I am the one thing in life I can control." (Yes, there is a musical about Alexander Hamilton just wait for it). Thankfully, I've learned that lesson, but I wish you could start the process now. Pinpoint the things you excel at and pursue them, keep your heart open to changes, and don't look for another person's acceptance to know you've done well.
Go to grandma's house.
You hear people say that your loved ones won't be around forever and you internally roll your eyes, but it's so true. Even though we grew up believing our grandparents will live forever, the circle of life and the power above proved us wrong yet again. Enjoy this last year you have with the best and truest friend you will ever have, stop by just because you were in the neighborhood (even though her neighborhood happens to be an hour away), and let her hold your hand. I envy the time you have left with her.
Happiness isn't a destination.
"I hope you're a really happy person right now."
It kind of broke my heart to read this. I'm not going to pretend to remember what you are going through or how you feel, but I do know that you're waiting for the day happiness just shows up at your door and makes everything better. Spoiler alert: it doesn't work like that at all. You'll be glad to hear that I am overall a really happy person, but there are bad days. Even bigger spoiler alert: literally everyone has bad days. You are going to waste a lot of time waiting to be happy, and now I wish I could have some of that time back. There is no magical happening that makes everything better, so you just have to learn the difference between good and bad days, and how to take advantage of the good ones.
