I Worked On Myself In The Summer And Changed For The Better

I Spent The Summer Working On Myself And It Has Changed Me For The Better

I put myself first for once and I have never felt more emotionally or mentally secure.

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Summer is usually the time to where you make the best memories and hang out with all of your friends because everyone is home for the summer. I usually make a million plans with everyone and I would never be at home (parents got so annoyed with it) but I knew that I wanted to see all of my friends but honestly, I just loved being able to socialize with everyone and how everyone liked having me around. This summer I thought it would be one of the best ever; that all changed whenever I decided that I not wanted to work on myself but needed to.

For years I thought that I was okay and that I did not need to change anything about me because I was happy with how my life was going. I sat down in my room one night and even though I was happy with some aspects of my life; I knew that I wasn't completely happy. Part of me wanted so much to be in a relationship and the other part of me was okay with being single. Part of me was happy that I had so many friends but then another part of me wondered if they were my actual friends or my friends because I was willing to do EVERYTHING and literally ANYTHING for them at any given moment.

So for the first two months of summer, I was not just a social media fast but also I cut myself out from the word and did not talk to anyone (unless it was work related). Everyone who was friends with me either knew I did not have my phone or they just did not get in touch with me. But, the people who knew I did not have my phone knew that they would be able to get in touch with me in other ways; this is when I realized that the term "If they really wanted to talk to you then they will find a way." was beyond true. Out of all of the friends, I thought I had and I thought were close to me only a handful reached out to make sure I was okay but only two of my friends reached out consistently to make sure I was okay and wanted to check up on me.

After the first two months of summer, I started posting on social media more often and that showed all of my old friends that I was back and active on Snapchat and Instagram. After a lot of my friends saw that I was active again on social media I had a few more friends ask me where I've been and some comment on how it's been a minute since they've seen me. Other than that; all of the friends I thought were my friends did not reach out to me at all.

Now, when I focused on myself I struggled really hard with this certain "cleanse" is what I guess you can call it. I am a hopeless romantic. I love the idea of love and I love being able to show the person that I am with how much I care for them. I had an entire plan of when I wanted to get engaged when I wanted to get married, and when I would want to have kids. I love everything about being in love. I loved the idea so much that I thought that being in a relationship would make me happy and I honestly tried so hard to find a relationship that when the guy I thought I really wanted a relationship did not feel the same way I acted cool but inside I was so upset and thought to myself all of the time "Why am I not good enough?"

When I focused more on myself and this part of me that wanted a relationship so much I learned that I was good enough to be in a relationship. I was WORTHY of being loved. Just because the guy that I liked did not feel the same way or did not want the same thing as me does not make me any less worthy. I learned that whenever the right guy comes along everything will be worth it. Whenever the time is right I won't necessarily feel "complete" but I will feel like he complements and brings out the best in me.

This summer may have not been "the best summer ever" but it was a summer that has changed me for the better.

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To The Toxic Relationship I Was Afraid To Let Go Of

To my younger self... I'm sorry.
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As time goes on the question that echoes in my mind is: "why?" Why did I let someone who was so undeserving have my love, time, and affection?

We all like to think that we have what it takes to mend the damage someone carries, but the fact of the matter is we don't. Hurt people, hurt people – and it was only when I tried to heal a bruised heart mine became the one in trouble. When you're young, vulnerable and under someone's spell you don't realize that you shouldn't have to rip yourself apart to keep someone else whole. I was scared of losing someone I didn't really have and I thought it was better to have someone halfway than not at all.

The irony of it all is that I grew up in a healthy environment. I have two parents who love my sister, each other, and myself unconditionally. They practice the same values they preach, some of which being loyalty, forgiveness, and how important it is to love each other despite the flaws that consume us. Those values were engraved so deep in my heart and soul I couldn't recognize when enough was enough or when to pull back and that just because I displayed these traits didn't mean they would be reciprocated. It took me a while to figure out I had to draw the line of determination from desperation.

It was a bittersweet realization when I looked up from my treacherous journey only to see it led me to a dead end, but I have never felt so liberated.

There's no denying I came out of the storm a different person and most definitely with a different heart. There were so many important lessons learned, both good and bad but the one thing that's for certain is it took me getting lost to find myself. You don't fully understand what you deserve until you experience something you don't. I learned the importance of self-worth and how crucial it is to not beat yourself up over the "coulda, shoulda, woulda's." I learned that in order to love someone, you have to start with yourself.

I know I'm not the only one who experienced this and I know I'm not the only one who wanted to figure it out on my own terms, but what I do know is that no one deserves it. I'm in my twenties now and still unsure of the actual meaning of love, but I know with absolute certainty that what I felt then was not it. I have so much growing, learning, and experiencing to do – and I fully intend on taking only those who deserve to be with me on my journey. No more and no less.

Everyone's story is different but the one thing they have in common is that we get to decide whom we share our stories with and how they make us feel. You never know which page your story will end with, so make sure it would be one you would be happy with. I urge every single one of you to rid yourself of people who do more harm than good. Life isn't forever.

Cover Image Credit: Thought Catalog

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11 Ways To Know He's Actually Into You

If he wants to Netflix and Chill with you on the first date, he's not actually into you.

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Let's be real with each other, dating in this century is garbage. We skip the mystery and jump straight into the relationship stuff without actually having it. That's trash.

Nowadays it's gotten harder to tell if a guy is actually into you or if he's just playing a game with your heart. Well, here is what I've learned so far to help me from falling for the players.

1. He takes you on an actual date.

2. After he takes you out he drives you back to your place, not his. He actually a gentleman, what a shocker.

3. Your goals and aspirations? Yes, he really cares about that.

4. He talks about you to his friends.

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5. He does his research. If you're really interested in something he will go out of his way, without being asked, to learn about it just because he cares

6. He does thoughtful things just because he can

7. Rants about your day? He actually listens and cares, he's not just trying to make conversation.

8. He'll make up excuses to see you. Even if it's for the dumbest reason, he'll find the time because he just wants to see you.

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9. He opens up to you.

10. No time for you? Forget that. No matter how busy of a life both of you may have, you'll both find a way to work around it.

11. He remembers details and stories that you tell him and will actually refer back to it on occasion.

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