Summer is usually the time to where you make the best memories and hang out with all of your friends because everyone is home for the summer. I usually make a million plans with everyone and I would never be at home (parents got so annoyed with it) but I knew that I wanted to see all of my friends but honestly, I just loved being able to socialize with everyone and how everyone liked having me around. This summer I thought it would be one of the best ever; that all changed whenever I decided that I not wanted to work on myself but needed to.
For years I thought that I was okay and that I did not need to change anything about me because I was happy with how my life was going. I sat down in my room one night and even though I was happy with some aspects of my life; I knew that I wasn't completely happy. Part of me wanted so much to be in a relationship and the other part of me was okay with being single. Part of me was happy that I had so many friends but then another part of me wondered if they were my actual friends or my friends because I was willing to do EVERYTHING and literally ANYTHING for them at any given moment.
So for the first two months of summer, I was not just a social media fast but also I cut myself out from the word and did not talk to anyone (unless it was work related). Everyone who was friends with me either knew I did not have my phone or they just did not get in touch with me. But, the people who knew I did not have my phone knew that they would be able to get in touch with me in other ways; this is when I realized that the term "If they really wanted to talk to you then they will find a way." was beyond true. Out of all of the friends, I thought I had and I thought were close to me only a handful reached out to make sure I was okay but only two of my friends reached out consistently to make sure I was okay and wanted to check up on me.
After the first two months of summer, I started posting on social media more often and that showed all of my old friends that I was back and active on Snapchat and Instagram. After a lot of my friends saw that I was active again on social media I had a few more friends ask me where I've been and some comment on how it's been a minute since they've seen me. Other than that; all of the friends I thought were my friends did not reach out to me at all.
Now, when I focused on myself I struggled really hard with this certain "cleanse" is what I guess you can call it. I am a hopeless romantic. I love the idea of love and I love being able to show the person that I am with how much I care for them. I had an entire plan of when I wanted to get engaged when I wanted to get married, and when I would want to have kids. I love everything about being in love. I loved the idea so much that I thought that being in a relationship would make me happy and I honestly tried so hard to find a relationship that when the guy I thought I really wanted a relationship did not feel the same way I acted cool but inside I was so upset and thought to myself all of the time "Why am I not good enough?"
When I focused more on myself and this part of me that wanted a relationship so much I learned that I was good enough to be in a relationship. I was WORTHY of being loved. Just because the guy that I liked did not feel the same way or did not want the same thing as me does not make me any less worthy. I learned that whenever the right guy comes along everything will be worth it. Whenever the time is right I won't necessarily feel "complete" but I will feel like he complements and brings out the best in me.
This summer may have not been "the best summer ever" but it was a summer that has changed me for the better.