It’s not Mother’s Day, or her birthday or anything special like that. It’s just an average day in an average week in an average year. But today, I’d like to thank my momma. Because this week I realized I don’t know what I would do without her.

My mom is superwoman; in my mind she is indestructible, unbreakable and immortal. But this week she got the flu, and it reminded me that she may be the most super human on this planet, but that still makes her human.

I woke up on Thursday morning (OK… fine… noon… ish) to find my dirty laundry still in the hamper, breakfast not on the table, and the “good afternoon, sleeping beauty” remark (that I always dreaded when I woke up irresponsibly late) to be nowhere in sight.

Panicked, I ran into my mom’s room to find her curled up in bed the way I have been so many times before, but had only seen her like maybe twice in my whole 21 years of life. Naturally, she said not to worry, she was fine. She even apologized for being sick on one of the days that I was home and she was looking forward to spending with her favorite daughter (OK, so maybe I embellished a little at the end there).

The day went on, I picked up coffee and was honestly slightly excited to have a day without being judged for not being a productive member of society. So I started my Netflix binge, as many summer days begin. But as the day went on, I missed being asked if I wanted to go grab lunch. I missed the occasional checking up that as a legal adult I claim not to need. I missed my mom being there when I didn’t even need her for anything specific. I just needed her.

I thought about what she does every day. Before my dog Buddy passed away, she basically had four children to take care of. She would wake up at the crack of dawn to feed Buddy and let him out, make my little sister a brown bagged lunch, and then drive her to school (so she could get the extra 20 minutes of sleep the bus didn’t allow – as she did for my older sister and me). Then she would spend the day doing all the work a successful lawyer has to do (as you can tell from my description, clearly I have no idea what goes into that!) and then she would pick up my sister from school, feed us all dinner (including Buddy) and help with whatever the challenges of the day were for us. Everything from helping with homework to job applications to making dinner: Mom does it all. And she does it all on less sleep than any of us! And this is not to say that Dad doesn’t, because he does too; it’s just that this week when I had to do a day without my mom, I realized I couldn’t.

The following day I babysat an adorable 3-year-old boy whose mom left for dinner while he was in the bathtub. He continued on to scream for the next 15 minutes, “I want my mommy!” while splashing me, throwing his toys across the bathroom and refusing to get out of the tub. It was in this moment that I realized that even though I’ve matured enough to not cry and throw my toys when my mommy isn’t there, I still want her there just as much (well maybe not just as much... he really wanted his mommy, even more than he wanted the ice cream I tried to bribe him with!).

I couldn’t send in a job application without her proofreading it and getting her approval before hitting the “send” button. I couldn’t make anything beyond cereal for breakfast that morning. And I definitely couldn’t go through the day with the joy that I normally felt because of her constant companionship. As annoying as I thought it was to have my mom watching over me, I missed it when it disappeared for a day. And as much as I’d like to think I don’t need my mommy, the truth is I need her more than anybody in the world. So, Mommy, please take care of yourself as well as you take care of me, because I can’t be me without you.

And please know that even when I roll my eyes when you ask me if I finished a final paper or studied for a test, and even when I ignore your pretty-good-in-hindsight dating advice, and even when I tell you you’re crazy for making me throw out the chips I’m about to eat because they’re a day past their expiration date, I appreciate you more than anything and I could not do life without you.