Sins are so hard to overcome. Sometimes the hardest ones aren't even physical. They are the ones that are in your mind and thoughts. Those sins are the ones who will creep in and overwhelm your heart. My biggest struggle is jealousy. I can feel it take over my body, a feeling of anger and frustration. I refuse to allow this sin to come between my relationships with my boyfriend, my parents, or even my friendships. This sin, when at its high point, makes me want to put people down when God only wants me to lift others up. It is so hard; hard enough that it will put me on my knees. Then I think, "from here I can only look up." I am so close, all I need to do is pray. Pray for guidance, pray for understanding, pray for humility, and pray for the strength to humble my self. "God, flush away my bitterness, this person is not my enemy, Satan is." I have to remember this. I have to remind myself of this daily. I repeat verses to myself to help with the constant frustration.
Proverbs 11:27 says, "if you search for good you will find it, but if you search for evil it will find you." When the sin of jealousy takes over my mind and thoughts it takes every thing I have in me to resist myself from looking for my boyfriend's mistakes. When he doesn't text me for a while my mind goes directly negative. I think things such as "he must be texting some other girl," or " why is he giving them more attention than me?" I have to step back and tell myself, "you are not the only person on this earth. Stop digging for things that aren't there. He loves you and you know that let him be social or busy." When I look for dirt I usually come up filthy.
One verse that I have recently started reciting and memorizing is James 3:16, "Wherever there is jealousy and selfish ambition, there you will find disorder and every kind of evil." Jealousy promotes anger; anger will ruin days, relationships, and even events. I personally find it helpful to stand back and keep myself busy when I feel or think jealously. It helps me think of other things and helps me from starting an argument with my boyfriend or whomever my confrontation is with.
I read this quote the other day and it's been stuck in the back of my head: "Jealousy is when you count someone else's blessings instead of your own." This week's challenge is to count your own blessings. You just might be surprised how lucky you are and how much God has blessed you with.
