So last Monday I turned 20. It really took me by surprise. I am no longer a teenager, no longer able to use that excuse when I mess up. Adulthood is here, and I'm pretty scared of it.
People tell you growing up that you should cherish your childhood, and I never really let that completely sink in until it was 12 a.m. and I was in my childhood bedroom, realizing that I had no more teenage years left. I realized that childhood was something I would reflect on from now on, and not be able to actually live in again.
This probably sounds gloomy and depressing, and how I am basically saying cherish every second of your childhood, but I mean I also have a lot to look forward to in my upcoming years in my twenties. I guess I always pictured my life differently as a child when I reached 20. I thought I'd be married and onto my second kid or something.
But that is not necessarily how life works, and I'm glad that is not my life right now. But I also imagined that I would have a lot more accomplished at the age of 20 as well. That I would have been to several foreign countries and be working. Yet again, that was my childish thinking.
Sometimes I wish I could go back into that childish state of mind, but now I have reached the age where I need to start growing up and accepting impending adulthood. Acceptance is key to this entire process, I suppose. But it is hard to accept it when it happened so suddenly, like my childhood was taken from right out under me, all when that clock turned to 12 a.m. on Dec. 4.
It is such a strange but wonderful feeling knowing I will not have to deal with problems I did as a child, and that I can start learning who I am going to be. They say these are the best years of my life, and there has to be a reason for that saying if it was not true. Right? However what if it is not the best years, and perhaps the worst?
This has been my thought process ever since I turned this new age, and my mind has been flip-flopping. But now as I'm typing this out I realize that even though this new stage of life is scary and intimidating, I have to grab it by the horns and just ride with it.
Me and only me is going to figure out where my life will lead, and I have to accept that it is part of being an adult. And being an adult is accepting that I am one, and it becomes this intense cycle of having to just move forward, because it is going to happen whether I like it or not.
Entering my twenties gives me a new appreciation for me teenage years, my preteen years, and my childhood. I will hold onto those memories for as long as I can, and use them as experiences to launch me into my new phase of life.
