This past week marked the six year anniversary of my back surgery. On July 19, 2010, I had back surgery for scoliosis. I had three curves in my back, two of which were over 50 degrees. My back looked straight. I experienced no pain. I was completely asymptomatic. After the surgery, I was not. After the surgery, my life changed.

I was always a “sick kid” growing up due to my arthritis, which I have talked about in other articles. I had grown up with pain, of course — but the pain brought on by the invasive back surgery was like none other. The week I spent in the hospital is blurry in my mind due to the drugs, and yet somehow, I remember every detail. I remember the pain. I remember the crying, screaming out in pain. I remember the one night that I was on morphine, which gave me horrible side effects, and therefore they had to switch my medications. That single night alone felt like a week within itself, and yet my mother now tells me looking back, that it was indeed a single night.

I remember thinking that the pain would never end, thinking it would never get better. I also remember having six IVs in me at once, and the hospital waiting too long to switch one of the ports and having it bruise my vein.

Recovery from this surgery was hard. It ishard. And yes, I am still recovering. I have been in and out of physical therapy for the past six years, on and off various medications to control pain, seeing massage therapists on and off due to the excruciating muscle spasms.

I remember going back to my surgeon for a checkup every six months and explaining my pain levels, and having him look at me like I had six heads. But I fixed you, he would think. You should be fine.

All I can say is that my experience with the surgery definitely had me everything into perspective. It made me enjoy certain aspects of life more, and it also made me stop caring about a lot of other aspects of life. There are things that ultimately do and don’t matter, and without certain experiences, it is difficult to distinguish between the two.

As I sit here, marking the six-year anniversary, I realize that I have an orthopedist appointment in two days on July 26 for a new issue with my shoulder. Part of me knows they will recommend another surgery, and part of me knows that I’m overreacting and over-thinking. Time will tell, and until then, all I can do is take life in strides.