As I sat semi-enjoying procrastinating homework by scrolling through Twitter this past Thanksgiving break, I found a common thread of jokes relating to those partially agitating questions that relatives ask us college students over the holidays during dinner and family events. We all know the questions; "How's college?" "Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?" or "What's your major?" are among the most popular. I would see a new joke every day.
At first I found the jokes hilarious. But then I realized something. I did not have anything in common with the people making the jokes.
I grew up without any relatives close by. One set of grandparents lives in Maryland and the other in Colorado. My dad's siblings live in Colorado and south Florida and my mom's live in Delaware, Pennsylvania, and Maryland. Needless to say, my holiday celebrations have been on the simpler side.
There are times when the distance does not get to me. But during the holidays, it hits me hard. I scroll through Facebook on Thanksgiving and see family pictures filled with happy cousins, grinning aunts and uncles, and humble grandparents and it makes me long for that type of life.
The jokes that glorified negative responses got to me. Not because I don't understand the joke, but I don't understand the luxury of being agitated by these questions. I love it when I see my family once a year and they bombard me with questions about college, my social life, my job, and the activities I'm interested in.
Their questions do not bother me because I know that my relatives don't ask these questions to be intrusive and overbearing. They don't ask me about college because they are judging my study choices. They aren't asking me about my love life to decide whether I am going to be an unfit wife one day.
They ask because they care. They ask because they want to be involved in my life for just one day out of 365 days. They want to hear my view of the world for five minutes. Perhaps our lives genuinely intrigue them. Perhaps they do it out of social convention. Regardless, they do it because they love you.
They're worth looking up from your phone for a few minutes. They're not trying to bother you or upset you. If you are self-conscious about your 80-year-old grandmother asking you about what you plan on doing after college, maybe that falls on your own insecurities. Maybe we look too far into these simple questions and perceive them as judgement because that's how our peers treat us. We are so used to being judged and ridiculed by our life decisions, that when someone who loves you asks the same, we respond the same way.
Families are not supposed to be like the outside world. You are supposed to respond to these questions with the same love and respect that is given to you. There are times when this is not the case and there are hurtful questions that people can use to prod you and upset you. However, "How's school?" is not one of them.
There will be a time that you're the aunt, uncle, grandmother or grandfather who asks the same bombarding questions to your younger relatives. In fact, those days aren't so far away. There will also never be a time in your life that you don't receive these types of questions. If you look at them in a negative light now, you always will.
Your family won't be around forever. They might not always be in the same state or even the same country. Be thankful for the annoying and uncomfortable questions. You'll never know when you'll begin to miss them.
