The idea of procrastination is nothing new. We've all said, "I have work I could be doing," but end up binge-watching "Stranger Things" instead.
While everyone tends to put things off at one point or another, we all possess specific habits or characteristics that make the routine of procrastination our own.
As for me, here are the four stages of procrastination that I experience.
Stage One: Not Today Satan
"Thank you, tiny red man with horns"
Stage one of my procrastination process begins with the mere thought that now is a wonderful time to get my life in order, but not in the way that you may think. Instead of actually accomplishing that 12-page research paper the little animated devil on my shoulder pops up and says, "Hey kid, what time would be better to clean absolutely everything than now."
This brings us into my usual weeknight routine to avoid work that starts with carrying my clothes down to the laundry room, running back upstairs because I forgot the detergent, finally washing the clothes, mopping the floor, deciding to vacuum the floor because the mopping obviously wasn't enough, dusting the desk, throwing in another load of laundry, spending five minutes trying to shove my comforter into the tiny washer, walking back upstairs, wiping down my bedroom mirror, organizing some makeup...
*timer goes off*
...drying my clothes, drying the bedding,
*another timer goes off*
...rolling in the now very warm pile of clothes and bedding, having a snack, having one more, making some coffee, accidentally spilling the coffee, grabbing a towel to clean the spilled coffee...
...feeling good because this whole time I've been productive without actually being productive..
Stage Two - "But I have to know who wins"
I'm not saying that I'm a necessarily stupid person, just that I don't always make the smartest decisions.
Stage two of my procrastination process is defined by that split moment in time when you really, really know you are about to regret a life decision, yet decide to start a new Netflix series anyway.
So what do I do instead of reading the first two chapters for my Urban Anthropology assignment? I transport myself into the world of "Ink Master" complete with potato chips, the dark, sweatpants, hot cocoa, the dark, my computer screen, a fuzzy blanket and the dark.
Stage two really is quite wonderful.
Stage Three - "The what am I staring at"
Do you hear that? It's the sound of sweat dripping down my face because I have now reached stage three, also known as, the time when there is no more time. Finally, I am able to motivate myself enough to open the computer and that blank, white document created so long ago. With a mind dead set on finishing this one English paper covering "The Odyssey," I begin to type out the usual format of my name, course's name, teacher's name, date, title, but then wait... My brain stops as I am thrown into the black hole of writer's block.
Now what do I do?
Logically, a normal human being might read over a set of notes, refer back to the book, or ask a friend for advice. Yet since I find the logic in my brain blocked along with the writer's block, I naturally stare blankly at the computer screen for a few hours.
It's not as if the assignment is going to complete itself from the J.K. Rowling magic of my stare, however, there does tend to be a point around the third hour of doing nothing when a small thought bubble takes the train straight to the "you finally have an idea" section.
Stage Four - "I'll never do that again"
Yeah, about that.
Stage four never seems to go as planned.
