As someone who is diagnosed with a mental illness, I have to stay on top of my self-care. I tend to rely on comforting things, like sleeping in and eating a lot of macaroni and cheese. And that's okay because that's how I bounce back.

I don't normally indulge in my self-care routine often. Or, at least, I try to balance my everyday routine with some self-love. But I hear a lot of, "are you sure you should be doing that?"

Yes, I am sure I want this. Just because you have a nervous stomach all the time and prefer to exercise to deal with anger doesn't invalidate what I do to cope with my depression and anxiety.

Self-care looks different in everyone. Expecting me to take care of myself at the same caliber as you is a dysfunctional expectation. Because I am not you. I don't have your personality or body.

Because I am not you, I can take care of myself my way. I mean, I should! This is my life after all; I am taking ownership of it. You can't make me feel sad or angry – can't make me go for a run every morning when I don't feel like it.

I should take care of myself according to me. Not you. I mean, sure, I value our relationship; but I shouldn't have to mimic you to feel better. It seems counter-intuitive too. To make me feel better, I am going to do what you would do.

No, that's not how it works. I am in control of my mind, my body. And if I want to binge-watch "Supernatural" while eating tubs of popcorn in order to recover from a sleepless night, then damn it, I will do it.

I used to be really harsh to myself. I didn't give myself enough credit or autonomy growing up. But now I am able to see that I don't have to look or be a certain way to love myself. I have more realistic expectations of myself and the people around me because I've realized that self-reflection is about seeing my personal values.

So what if I value good food and indulge every once in a while. So what if I sleep and dream about high school (why I dream about the most horrible years in my life is beyond me). Or if I do want to go for a run, it's not because you recommended it or advised it. It's because I want to show love to everything about myself.

I may need self-care more frequently than you too. Which is okay – how many times a day I sniff my lavender candles is okay. It's you telling me that it's wrong that bothers me. Last time I checked, sniffing candles is something that helps me get back on track.

Self-care is about recovering yourself enough to become productive once more. It's about loving myself for a minute and then being of service to others. How I take care of myself will eventually affect how I take care of you. So please, don't demean my self-care routine. It's to help me, not you.