Once upon a time, I had a middle school version of a scene phase. It was weird, rough, and a dark part of my life. To all of those classmates who knew me in middle school, this is my scene phase explained.
It all started in about 6th, 7th grade. And as stupid and strange as it sounds, it all started because of a kid's show.
I was introduced to the Cartoon Network show Teen Titans by one of my close friends at the time. As soon as I started watching it, I couldn't get enough of it. The characters were so dynamic and the plot was both light and dark at the same time. The jokes and interactions between the characters were light and funny while most of the plots were darker than most modern shows around.
It was introduced to me at a time in my life where I was starting to understand what emotional challenges were and how to get past them. Therefore, the show really touched me on a personal level.
The character I connected to the most was Raven. She's an empathetic sorceress who had to keep her emotions under control. She rarely expressed any emotions. She was wise and reserved. I wanted to be like her, because I later realized I was full of anger and instead of expressing all of my emotions, I wanted to hold them in. Like her.
A couple years prior, my parents divorced. I realized that this event probably caused my scene phase.
I started to--
1. Wear fingerless gloves
2. Stay home more often
3. Wouldn't socialize often at recess
4. Wore more black
5. Work on my grades
6. Wish I was elsewhere
7. Repress any emotion
8. Listen to Evanescene
9. Resisted everything and anything that was popular
I started wearing fingerless gloves not just because of my scene phase. They looked cool and my hands were absolutely freezing at school.
At the time I didn't really want to go out. But somehow, 7th grade was a fun year for me despite my reluctance to leave the house.
I remember read books during recess and would chastise anyone that would try to socialize with me. Looking back, I honestly did want to talk. I just didn't allow myself to.
I wore so much black. I guess I thought it matched my mood. But now I realized I was just being stubborn.
One of the good things that came out of my scene phase was that I read a lot more. From 7th grade on, I got straight A's even when I left the phase.
In middle school, I wanted nothing more than to leave that place and explore the world. I thought anywhere would be better than here. I really wished I enjoyed my time as a kid more.
During this phase I also repressed my emotions. If you know me now, you know that I'm loud and I always communicate my feelings. Then, I didn't want anyone to know what I was thinking and feeling.
I listened to Evanescene almost every day. I seriously thought I identified with the music.
In middle school I resisted the temptation of makeup and uggs.
As everything in life, my scene phase passed within 2 years. There was a point where I become more social, more bubbly, and allowed my emotions to show. Looking back at my middle school scene phase is hilarious now. After listening to Evanescene the other day, I realized how silly I was. My friends and I now joke about my scene phase and laugh about how different I am now. Sometimes one just has to go through a phase to figure out who they are.
