My relationship and my faith in Jesus Christ is something that goes back since my birth. Before I was born my grandmother had a dream, a widespread drought had occurred and many people came to this one man who was handing out water from a well. The man’s family were worried that they would run out of water for themselves but the man told the family not to fret, there was plenty of water for all. My grandmother had this vision and realized that this was going to be her future grandson, and then she asked my mother if she was pregnant but my mother denied this. A few weeks later my mother had a pregnancy test and it was positive, I was going to be born.
From the beginning, God was so prevalent in my life. As a child I had a keen in-depth understanding of the Bible. I always was the first to raise my hand in bible study, I memorized the most bible verses out of all my peers, and I was quick to volunteer to pray when the situation arose. My fire and thirst for God was so natural, from birth I just knew that God was the most important thing in my life. Being raised in a Christian home really encouraged that behavior, I was taught to be righteous and do what the Bible says. However during my middle school years I started to ask questions about my identity and where that ties in with God. During these few years I did not have that many friends since I was shy and was deeply afraid of judgment and ridicule. I grew lonesome and was angry at God for not giving me comfort or friends. I felt it was so unfair because I followed the rules, the rules that were so clear and established for me since I was a little kid, and all I got for that was loneliness. It felt that no one was on my side and God has abandoned me like everyone else in my life. My parents worked and I felt that they only cared about my grades and making sure I was going to church and my sisters were too busy with their own busy lives. I was lost, bitter, and just so angry at the world and even more so, frustrated with God.
God saw my desperateness and this loneliness gnawing at my heart and delivered me when high school started. During sophomore year, I was invited by a guy to come and join FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes). My faith during this time was shaky but I decided to go and I am so glad I did. It was full of people who were not scared of judgment for what they believed in, for who they believed in. I was shocked at how many people try to put God in the center of their lives. Later I became part of the leadership and also part of the praise band. This club allowed me to make friends that really helped me realize to not be ashamed of myself because in doing so I am saying that I, the creation, know better than He, the Creator.
God expects big things from me, the man at the well giving the spiritual water out to those who thirst for something greater than themselves. I have fallen, I tried to find pleasure in the all the wrong places in a sorry attempt to fill this hole in my heart that only Jesus can fill. I got angry, I foolishly thought it was righteous anger since I felt I deserved to have a comfortable life since I memorized a certain number of verses or read a lot of the Bible. Through my errors I finally found myself, dirty and broken. But God looks at me and declares that I am his child and that I am so loved.
