Hi. My name is Katie Clark, and I’m addicted to coke. Not the white powdery stuff that people swap around in movies or on TV shows. I am talking about the juice of heaven (of the soda variety) and what tastes like it was made from the tears of angels: Diet Coke. My addiction started in high school and it grew from drinking two a day to anywhere up to four. I have constantly been told about how it is “the devil’s drink” because it is filled with an artificial sweetener called aspartame. Remember the glory days when Diet Coke was seen as the “healthier” option? I miss those days. But here are some struggles that every Diet Coke addict can relate to:
1. You go through withdrawals if you don’t have it.
When you admit you are an addict, then comes serious business filled with headaches, the shakes and cravings.
2. You know you are staining your teeth but the bubbles bring you joy.
There is nothing quite like the feeling of drinking a Diet Coke too quick and your throat getting that burning feeling in the back... but there has to be better feelings in life, right? I'm sure there are, but to an addict like me the answer is simple: no.
3. People know you for your addiction and judge you for it.
I am introduced as the girl that loves diet coke. My sorority sisters also giggle when they see a bottle in my hand. My Instagram bio even says,”I drink way too much Diet Coke.” Need I say more? I don’t think so.
4. You know that no matter what, no other drink will be as good as Diet Coke.
Diet Coke is your go to. Diet Coke is your best friend. Diet Coke is your security blanket. Without Diet Coke, who even are you?
5. It pains you to spend $3 at lunch to get a Diet Coke, but you know if you don’t you will regret it.
The only time it is acceptable to decline buying a Diet Coke is if the waitress so kindly asks, ”Is Diet Pepsi OK?” and this is where you politely decline. And then with a salty attitude order water.
6. It could be its own food group for you.
Yep. It fits right on up there in the food pyramid with bread and carrots. The importance level is most definitely the same, and you know for a fact there have been times when you have had Diet Coke for dinner.
7. When Diet Coke is on sale you clear the shelves.
Buy 3 get 2 free? That means if I buy 9 I can get 6 free, and if there's 12 cans in each box and you get a total of 15 boxes... those 192 cans will last you about 3 weeks. I hate math but any math that is for Diet Coke is doable.
8. You are still emotionally dealing with the fact that you have easily spent $1,000 a year on Diet Coke.
This is totally fine because, you know, college students have money to spare. Buy a textbook for physics or restock my fridge? Decisions, decisions.
9. You want to use it as a chaser but you don’t want to taint it.
Diet Coke is your favorite drink. It is sacred. You don’t want to taint it by putting vodka or whiskey in it. That just feels dirty and wrong.
10. You will never throw as much shade as you do when someone suggests you quit drinking Diet Coke.
People always want to tell you how to live your life (UGH). But no matter what Diet Coke is your choice, regardless.
11. Any boy that has suggested you cut back has been cutback.
Looking back on it now, you probably think they were sweet boys just looking out for you. But then you crack open a cold can and prop your feet up and thank God that cute boy’s dimples didn't make you cave.
