The words "warning", "hazard", "poison", "caution", and "fragile" should all be written across my forehead before you engage. I apologize in advance for all you may encounter. Although there is nothing I want more than to feel again, fall again, and love again there is a shield surrounding not only my heart but my entire being. Unfortunately, you're the one who will be trying to break through. Little do you know, it very well may be indestructible.
I promise you deep down there is a soft, warm, and loving girl living inside but before you meet her you will have to go through the many tests those who came before you created. I know this may seem unfair to you, but what has been done in the past will not happen again in my future. I have become too strong, too full of life, and too happy to ever let myself shatter again.
Just a couple of hints on how to make it out alive.
Be patient. I know it's hard when you first start falling. All you want to do it rush into it so you can get to know everything about the person, know every inch of their skin, hear every secret. Falling is so fun until you hit the bottom and realize things aren't exactly what you expected. Take the time to know me, really know me before you decide to pursue anything with me.
Open your eyes. Realize who I really am. Do not make me out to be someone I'm not just because you want things to work. Yes, I can be a fun loving, spontaneous, exciting girl. But unless you love that same girl when I'm curled in a ball eating a whole pint of ice cream because I failed to get enough sleep the night before, we won't work. Sometimes we spend so much time creating the perfect fantasy in our head we fail to realize who the person truly is.
Be honest. If my cooking makes you cringe and you're secretly feeding it to the dog, tell me. If you really hate the smell of my shampoo, tell me. If the sound of me popping my bubble gum is driving you nuts, tell me. Most of all, if you're falling out of love, TELL ME. A relationship's foundation is based on trust. Personally, being brutally honest is one of my many faults but also one of my many characteristics. Don't lead me to believe things are fine if they absolutely are not. If you're not happy with me, let's duke it out. Whatever you do, do not play games with me because I have no interest in playing.
Ask questions. The getting to know someone phase is the worst part for me. I come with baggage and heartache and trust issues and lots of other things I tend to leave out until I'm drunk and it's four AM and all I can think about is the terrible awful because that's just what wine does to me. I will tell you all you'd like to know, but if you don't ask, chances are I won't tell until I'm super comfortable.
Don't tell me you love me. Those three words you think every girl wants to hear, leave them out. Tell me I inspire you, you adore me, I'm lovely, anything except the "L" word, simply because I won't believe you. I probably won't say it back. If I do, know it's a game changer. I'm the girl who feels with every inch of my soul and until you're ready to handle that, do not love me. Don't even think about loving me until you've come to terms with how hard I am to love. That pint of ice cream girl comes around more than you'd think. You gotta love that version of me more than all before you are allowed to say those three words.
Although those are only some of the key factors, you should know I will be guarded. I will likely be pushing you away. I will probably try to run as fast as I can in the opposite direction when I start to feel something. Just bear with me. Let me breathe. After being broken down to the farthest I've ever been, it will take some time for me to believe you are real. You are here. And you will stay.
I don't regret my past but I have learned from it. If you're not ready to do some digging to get to know me, don't even bother. However, if you're ready to grab the shovel and start digging, a heart of gold will await you. Just remember, when I fall, I fall hard. I love hard. I hurt hard. There is no in-between with me. You get all of me or none of me.
To the one who loves me next, I wish you the greatest of luck. You're gonna need it.
