No. Two letters. One word. A common phrase.
Seems simple, right?
But for some reason it isn't. This piece has the potential to turn into a man-hating rampage about guys that don't have psychic abilities and don't recognize loss of interest, but it's not.
What it is is a call to action for our generation: males and females alike.
When we say "no", we expect it to be heard, heeded, and respected. At least, in a perfect world that's what we expect. What we actually expect is to be called names, persuaded, harassed, and generally forced into feeling guilt simply because we lack interest in something or someone.
We are so quick to crucify those that "ghost" people, asking why they don't just end things instead of vanishing into thin air. But in a world where people think that your privacy and space is not to be respected, how is one expected to be up front? Yes, there are those wonderful, beautiful, amazing people that will respond to a break up with a simple "no hard feelings", or even the level-headed, but slightly butt-hurt "okay. I disagree, but I understand". But we also have those that quite literally lose their minds. Snapchat, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, iMessage, FaceTime, and the like become battlegrounds, fueled with harassment and hate.
Women are so quick to call out men for not respecting the word "no", but too many times I find myself witnessing girls CLEARLY harassing guys in attempts at seduction. How can we expect them to respect us if we don't show them the same courtesy?
Sexual assault happens to men, too.
Any time you touch a person in a way that is not warranted and appreciated by them, it's not okay.
And that goes for the drunken "accidental" grabs in bars and on streets that happen literally every time people go out. Respect our space. If I say no, I mean no. Us being within a few feet of each other is not an excuse for you to violate my personal space.
Sometimes I might say it nicely, and it might sound like "not right now" or "I like us as friends" or even just a general lack of response to your suggestive comments. Allow me to gracefully and respectfully turn you down, and take the hint. If I change the subject, go with it. For the love of God, stop trying to sexualize my daily life to express interest, it doesn't work.
So many times, myself or one of my friends (again, girls and guys) will wake up after a night of being harassed to the typical "lol alcohol got the best of me last night. I don't remember anything...". Like that's okay or something....
News Flash: It's not okay.
Your inability to control your consumption of alcohol does not give you the right to disrespect me and/or my body. Take responsibility for your actions, and most importantly, be a decent human being all the time.
Alcohol is not an excuse.
No matter how much you drink, I trust you to still recognize that I am a human being worthy of respect, just as I recognize that about you. No matter how much I drink, I still expect you to treat me as a human being deserving of your respect.
My B.A.C. is not an excuse for you to have your way with my semi-conscious body. Too often, particularly in college, men and women are sexually assaulted when they are past the point of consent. Note this: someone who is blackout drunk can not give you consent to touch them. DO NOT touch them. If you do, you may find that you have inadvertently become that man or woman's worst nightmare.
It's hard to believe that some people might recognize another person's lack of consciousness as a clear sign that sex will not be in the cards that night, but unfortunately, some don't.
Recently, I read about a young woman, a freshman in college, who was sexually assaulted when she was blackout drunk. Her assailant found out she was drunk and texted her, she asked him not to come over, saying it would not be a good idea. He came over anyways and proceeded to have sex with her. That is rape. But her college ruled that "she could have stopped him". That she wasn't "drunk enough" that it was wrong, even though she told him no. They refused to prosecute him.
When we as a society stand up and say, no rape is not okay, that is when we will see social change.
Stop trying to seduce drunk people, stop trying to get people drunk to better your chances of bedding them, stop begging for nudes, and most of all respect the word no. If you see or hear of someone else doing these things, say something. Many sexual assault victims are never the same again, many commit or attempt suicide. You simply making sure your friend ends up in their own bed at the end of the night, or prying them off the sleazeball pumping them full of liquor could save a life.
Be the change you want to see in the world.
If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, seek help. With counseling and time, you can heal, even if it feels impossible now.
National Sexual Assault Telephone Hotline:
800-656-HOPE(4673)
National Suicide Prevention Hotline:
1-800-273-8255
