Sometimes, when you lose someone so close to you, you want to believe it is the end. You want to believe that person will never have an impact on your life again, due to the fact that they are not physically on this earth anymore. For me, this was the case until I found my mom’s journal. She wrote things she wanted people to hear. My mom wanted to allow people to hear her thoughts and learn from her experiences. She gave me the wings to be who I am and to live my life, now I am giving her voice the wings it needs to be heard.
This is my mom’s journal…
“I always wanted to write a book. I felt that telling the world my thoughts and feelings in writing would do someone some good. Although still young with much too experience; I feel that I have insight. So many experiences have prepared the person within me. I feel many people will identify with that. If even one other person in this strange world does it many mean everything to him or her.”
“I think everyone throughout their lives feel inadequacy and terror. They feel they may not be accepted by their peers or even by their inner selves. Will that ever change? I don’t feel that it does we just get better at hiding our fears. It is so strange to consider this. We will never feel 100 percent confidence no matter how much we try because trust is only a word. Until we can crawl inside other’s minds we will always be in doubt. Have faith so many say, and it’s true it helps. I know God loves me, I just accept that but for mortal man that is invisible. There are so many things I feel and think. So much matters to me that I can’t even begin to describe it all.”
“Today’s society is so involved in their everyday lives and patterns too often they forget to take the time to appreciate the little lives. I find myself guilty of it on occasion. I will worry about how clean my house is instead of taking that hour to give full attention to my children. Sometimes football games and telephone calls replace real, and important interactions between the most important people in our lives. Never will these days return. The clock will tick without stopping for eternity. Life moves by so fast we must pay attention to as much of it as possible. The little things like a hug, a kiss goodnight, an innocent giggle. These are priceless treasures which only a portion of us will ever attain.”
“We need to understand that life can take a turn ever so quickly and we may be involved in a crisis. Keep good with your family. Close families who love each other can overcome obstacles like no other force. Togetherness is love. I have several family members and friends who have taken or are taking family bonds for granted. They have destroyed or are destroying their own lives as well as their loved ones. Giving up is never a great solution. Sometimes it may be the only answer, but giving up without a fight is a sin.”
“It takes a lifetime to learn how to listen, love and accept a person. You are constantly learning no two people are alike that is what makes it so difficult. We really need to think of the acceptance of another individual as a blessing. Opening up your mind to another is an amazing experience and can be truly fulfilling.”
" I know my kids don't realize how important they are to us right now but someday they will."
This was the last line in her journal, the last thing she wanted the world to know. I hope she knows I did realize, and still do. I have never loved someone more than this woman. She was amazing, beautiful, and had a heart too big for this world. This is her voice, someone out there needs to hear it because I know I did.
I love you Mom, and ALWAYS will.
