It’s something I have struggled, and still struggle with, for a long time now.

The little things in life, like going up to someone to ask for help or even asking a teacher a question in class, not being able to go out alone, always needing someone to speak for me, not speaking up in group projects, and just going with the flow of everyone else.

As a child I did not have many friends. Unless someone came up to me, I played by myself. I was content with that. I mean sure, I had friends at school, but not ones I would hang out with all the time outside of class.

My dad always thought the house was a disaster, so that led to me not being able to invite friends over unless my mom and I went through a day of extensive cleaning first. It was awful. I always went over to other peoples houses, but no one could come over and I felt bad about that. I wanted to have a normal childhood and I feel like this started all my shyness. Always being kept at home.

I also had a very sheltered life. My mom took me everywhere and she tried to get me to speak up and ask for things, but I hid behind her and let her ask. It wasn’t the smartest thing to do looking back on it now, but that’s how I was raised.

Sometimes I see my shyness as a way I’ve been held back my whole life. Not always being outgoing and a social butterfly with tons of friends. But being shy also made me think more to myself and to always have an active imagination. Being alone opened the doors to my imagination and I became very curious. Always asking about silly things.

It helped me be more independent. Yes, I still can’t call to order food or even go shopping by myself, but it’s a work in progress. This isn’t something I can change in one night. I’m not ashamed of this. I’ve learned to accept this and try to learn and grow from it.

College is something that’s helped tremendously. I didn’t have my best friend to rely on and look to when I needed someone. So on the first day I made a huge step in my struggle, I went up to someone first. And from then on I made four new friends within the first week of college.

Slowly I am conquering my shyness.

Slowly I am starting to open up.

And slowly I will see all the wonderful things being shy has brought me.