People always say that my health is more important than my job or school or, going or doing something with my best friends. And I strongly disagree with them. I am also very self-destructive and have self-destructive tendencies. Anyway, my work, my job, my education, my social life can’t suffer because I am having a crappy day and physically don’t feel well.

I am already suffering way too much, in way too many ways. I can’t let those things suffer either. I can’t let those things make me more stressed out because I miss out on them.

I have to work! I pay my own rent and bills and have to. I have NO choice. I have no one else to go to, to ask for money or financial help. So, I can’t miss work. On my worst days, I will still go to work. Last semester, when I was in the ER, guess what? I missed part of my work but STILL came into work. Because I HAVE to pay my rent. Life doesn’t give you choices in certain situations. And I have to live with that every day. Just like I have to live with my physical and mental illnesses.

My school is more important too! If I missed class every time I didn’t feel good, I might as well drop out of college. And I am a senior. I force myself to go to class most days. Well, I physically force myself to go to most places and do most things. But most days, I am not feeling well, but go to class anyway. Plus, how am I going to be able to work in the future if I didn’t make myself do things?

And my social life, are you kidding me? How would I live if I didn’t have any friends to help and support me? They are my life. They are the reason I live. Other than my family, but I don’t have the resources to see them as much as I would like. Well, most of them.

All of these things are a “good” distraction for me from my illnesses. I get to focus on different aspects of myself like, educating myself, earning a living for myself, having a freaking life for myself instead of being cooped up in my bed all day. That would just make my depression way worse.

My point is that most of the time my health isn’t more important. How I am physically feeling, isn’t more important than those things. If I didn’t do those things because I didn’t feel good, I wouldn’t have a life.

So, stop saying that my health is more important. Maybe on some days, when I actually need to rest, then yes, my health is “more” important. And I need to rest. But if I have to work, no. I don’t need to rest. If I need to go to class, that depends. Some classes I know I would be fine missing to rest and take care of myself. But sometimes, I have quizzes, tests, have to hand-in homework or a paper, those classes I can’t miss.

I know a lot of you (my readers) may disagree with me. That is fine. I don’t expect people to always agree with me. I have unique and weird perspectives and opinions about how life works. And I am probably not “right.” But I don’t care because this is how I have felt about this for quite some time now.

Every morning, I have to muster up the courage and energy to get out of bed and go to work or class. And every morning, I am not happy. I am not a happy person. At this point in my life, I do not like my life. But who knows? Maybe, just maybe, I have a happy future but that’s being optimistic. I am not happy at all. But that’s for a different and another depressing article written by yours truly.