Her name was Brooklyn Layne Carothers. She was a beautiful nine year old girl that had glowing brown eyes, typically shoulder length dirty blonde hair with bangs, and a smile that turned any frown upside down. She was the most outgoing and faithful child I have ever met. On Sunday mornings, she would always ask to go to church with me. Her heart for God was indescribable. She was the most giving and helpful girl any friend or family member could ask for. Whenever she did something wrong, she apologized and she meant it. We couldn't stay mad at her. She made friends left to right, there wasn't a child that didn't enjoy her presence. My memories of her are nothing but pure gold and treasurable. We fought like sisters do, but we also got over them. They were usually small and childish. My last memory with Brooklyn was a few days before I went to Haiti. I remember her coming up to me and giving me the biggest hug she had ever given me, reminding me to be careful and to bring her back something.We hugged each other so tight. I wish that it wouldn't have been our last hug, or that I would've known it was so that I could of cherished it much more. My hardest goodbye has been one that no one could have ever expected, the day my sister passed away.
The day after I returned from Haiti, I was getting ready for a class in my college dorm room. My phone rang and I realized it was my dad, so I answered it. He was crying and stuttering a bit. After a few seconds of panic, he told me that my sister and her mother (not my mother) were in a fatal car accident. I thought that it was some kind of sick joke, but he was serious. I remember just crying uncontrollably. I heard a knock on my door and it was our cleaning lady, Ms. Lisa. She asked if I was okay, and then after telling her what happened she comforted me with a long and caring hug. She asked if I needed anything and I told her that I was going to call my friend. I called my best friend Sandra and told her everything that happened. She came and we cried together. I had family members that contacted me letting me know that they were coming to get me. I walked to the Education building, where my next class was, and explained, again, what happened. Brooklyn's uncle came and picked me up. I headed off to the grandparents and we all mourned together. Once my father got there, we headed to the funeral home to see Brooklyn. The next three days are a blur to me. I know some of my memories run together and I can't specify what happened exactly each day. So, bear with me.
One of the days afterward, we went and saw Brooklyn before they did anything to her. That was one of the most heart breaking things I have ever done. I walk into the room and see her laying there. Wishing she would rise up and speak to me. There were a few close family members there including my father. We all gathered around, probably thinking the same thing, "I wish that was me instead." None of us thought something like this would've ever happened to her. It ate me up inside when I saw the cuts on her face, the paleness of her skin, and some of the bruises that covered her body. I looked at her and thought that she was still beautiful. Disturbingly enough, this was reality, and it was painful. We were told that they died from impact and that it happened quickly. No suffering. That is one of the only things I was thankful to hear at the time.
Through out the next three days, I felt like I had to be strong for everyone. Especially, my dad. It wasn't because anyone told me to be strong. I don't know exactly why I felt like I shouldn't cry or why I should hold it all together. I tried and I tried to keep my composure. I still do. The funeral service was perfectly put together. Brooklyn and Ashley looked stunning. Brooklyn looked as if she was just taking a nap. Hundreds of people showed up to see them and to give their condolences. It was astonishing to see how many lives they impacted. My father and papaw Booth stood next to Brooklyn the whole time. I couldn't. I didn't know how to comfort my dad and I couldn't keep my composure if I stood up their every time someone passed to apologize for our inconvenience. While they were up there, I sat in the pews with my mom. That woman stayed with me the whole time and I can't thank her enough for being there for me. Before the actual funeral service, I felt the urge to give a speech. I believe wholeheartedly that God was present during the speech. I don't remember anything I said other than, "I choose joy."
How can someone choose joy during a death? How can someone choose to be joyful when the most valuable and important person in their life is stripped from them? How can I choose joy when choosing hate and anger sounds so much more reasonable? Talk about a faith shaking experience. I struggled with trying to understand why this happened and why I should trust God. Why would God take my sister away from me?Why at such a young age? Why not me? I had a lot of questions that didn't have an answer. Although I struggled to understand why everything was happening, my faith is what kept me going. Tons of scripture ran through my mind. I had a tiny understanding of the pain Job went through. While God took everything from Job, I feel as if he took the most important person away from me. The one thing that stuck out to me more than anything was the words I thought Brooklyn would say, "Everything is going to be okay, sissy. This isn't goodbye, this is see you later!" I know and believe 100% that she is in a better place. A place where there isn't suffering. She is waiting for me. God is taking care of her. She is up there worshiping with her mommy, right now. My selfishness wants her back. The other part of me is thankful she gave her life to Christ and that she is in heaven now.
We all have our goodbyes. Sometimes they are temporary and other times they last a lifetime. Some goodbyes are harder than others. I can't imagine the hard goodbyes transferred when her husband is headed to Iraq and she is eight months pregnant. I can't imagine the goodbyes between a loving father and his son who has stopped responding to leukemia treatments. Life is precious. Each person placed in your life has left either a good or bad impact. My advice for you, is to treasure every moment you can with those who are near to your heart. Hug them each chance you get. Let "I love you" be more than words. Show it with your actions. Make time for them. Don't hold onto anger, hate, jealousy, bitterness, or pride. Those feelings will only hurt yourself in the long run. Rather, I encourage you to replace those negative feelings with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. You never know when your last goodbye will be, make each day count, and never go to bed with negative feelings towards another.
