Congratulations; you've made it further than most guys will ever go. You managed to stay long enough to break down my walls, which most consider an impossible feat. I'm the code that can't be cracked and now I'm yours. All the work you put in to get this far will all be worth it and everything you've already observed and learned about me will begin to make sense.
There will be days when I wake up in silence and I'm numb to all emotions; when you reach out to comfort me I'll pull away. I don't know why I wake up feeling numb when I have someone who makes me feel so alive, and I'm sorry that I'm not able to explain everything going on in my head to you. Sometimes I don't even understand. My mind is constantly working at 100mph. I notice everything and I pick up on the slightest changes in body language, tone and behavior. Because of this, I drive myself over thinking every thing about you. Sometimes I won't believe you when you say you love me because sometimes I don't even love myself.
People with anxiety have extremely heightened emotions. Whether or not they are shown or openly expressed, they are still there. Anxiety is viewed as a burden or relationship baggage because of the fact that we're on a semi steady emotional roller coaster. However, once my walls come down, you'll realize you will never find someone who will love you like me. My over thinking will turn into thoughtfulness. I'll remember all the secrets you divulged to me when you were drunk and I'll never speak of them again. I may have trouble verbalizing how I feel about you, but I know what songs make you cry, how you like your coffee in the morning and what sweatshirt is your favorite.
I may be fighting myself everyday to let you in and the idea of someone loving me is something so far off it seems like it only happens in fairytales, but I will put my brain through hell to make it happen because the amount of love I have for you trumps all the doubts clouding up the back of my mind. You deserve it for staying and not giving up on me. I may be difficult but I promise I'm worth it. Thanks for sticking around.
