Poem: My Flame

Poetry On The Odyssey: My Flame

I watch you burn, but I do not fear you anymore.

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You
consume me

or, rather, you will
I see it coming,
The closer I get to you, the warmer I feel.

And I cannot wait.

Your beauty astounds me
And it radiates like none other.
Even the Sun shields his eyes when he sees you
I am blessed to witness you.

None have ever struck me so sharply,
With such grace and unpredictability.
You tempt me,
almost beyond my wills,
But I know I cannot touch you.


I watch as others enjoy you,
And you crawl all over them.
You are insatiable, they are never enough.
Your body wriggles around them until they are spent,
Until there's nothing left of them.

Then you move on.

You jump from one to the next,
Multiple at a time,
You grow hungrier the longer you live.

It fascinates me.

You are so far away,
You don't even know I exist,
But I am patient,
I know my time will come.

The gods threw me into your life
for a reason.
My purpose is to please you,
To feed you,
To cure your hunger.

I hope for more.
I hope to embrace you,
To hold you tighter than any others possibly could.
I hope to love you.

I hope you love me,
If you are capable.
If I serve you right.

I watch you inch ever closer,
It gets hotter and hotter,
The more I watch you devour.
The more I watch you use them
The more I picture myself being used.

But my will is strong,
I do not touch myself,
I do not waste any of what belongs to you.

After all,
My purpose is to please you.

Time drags on
For an eternity,
But finally you approach me.

I can feel your body heat.
Your aura burns me,
Your beauty blinds me,
I cannot see,
I can hear nothing but the roaring in my ears
Is that your voice or my blood deafening me?

You get closer and closer,
It becomes almost too much.

I know now why they were never enough for you
Why you leave behind nothing but piles of ash.
But I've always been a masochist,
I am ready to be the person you use to feed your addiction.

I want to be thrown away when you're done, like the little slut I am,
Another worthless fuck toy added to the pile.

Finally you see me,
Lying naked in the corner
Waiting for you to command me.

You rush over, your energy reaching me before your body does
You grip onto me.
You crawl on top of me.

You consume me.

It's excruciating,
It's torture

It's ecstasy,
It's orgasmic

Conflicting sensations overwhelm me
I am no longer sentient,
I am nothing but an extension of you
Filled with nerve endings
Set ablaze.

Suddenly, the heavens open up.
It starts to rain
The gods are angry.

They throw dirt on you
They stomp on you
The ground turns to mud
You lose your grip.

I feel myself relinquished from your grasp
I can think again.

I see you start to dwindle
To fade out
I see the remnants of those you've used before swirl around you
Around me
I feel their presence stronger than yours ever was

I watch you die.

You consumed me.
I survived.
I was the only one who did.

You took so many parts of me,
You convinced me I was yours
You told me there was no better way.

I was infatuated,
I was devoted.
I worshipped you.
Now, I see that you were nothing.

You consumed me.
But I will be whole again soon.

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I Hate That I Struggle To Love My 'Midsize' Body

I gained a few pounds, but that shouldn't be the end of the world, yet it is in a sense.

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Junior year of college has been quite the wild ride. I've had the best academic year of my entire life, yet struggled, in the end, to even want to get anything done. I didn't care about a lot of the things that used to matter to me.

I gained weight at the beginning of my second semester and went up a jean size, so half of my summer wardrobe just doesn't fit me anymore, and it's made me feel embarrassed. I went from a size 6 to an 8/10, and while it doesn't seem like a big jump to the average person, it was to me. I don't like looking in the mirror and seeing a bigger pooch than usual, or how my thighs have gotten super irritated because they also got bigger. Chaffing I used to only have in the summer occurred in late January and even scared my inner thighs. It's not cute and it hurts when it flares up. I am terrified to wear my bikinis again because I know they won't fit, and the second I put on shorts my thighs are going to want to kill me if I don't kill them first.

I came to really love my body last summer after struggling through a rough breakup where I stopped caring about myself. I owned myself last summer and as much as I want to again this summer, I'm really struggling with the idea of it.

All I feel like I see on social media are skinny girls with zero hint of a pooch or thick thighs in sight. I've never been a skinny girl and I never want to be, but I can't help but envy the people I've seen online and in person. Of course, what I see on social media isn't really accurate, but it's still been tough to look at these girls who seem like they don't have a care in the world. They can eat whatever they want and still look flawless. They can throw on a bikini and not have to feel like they need to suck everything in so no one sees their pooch hanging over their bikini bottom. As a stress eater who is still too terrified to try on her bikinis, I'm not looking forward to showing my body off when all I want to do sometimes is hide it because I don't feel happy with what I see.

I will always love being a curvier girl and YouTubers like Sierra Schultzzie, Carrie Dayton, and Lucy Wood have given me a new boost of inspiration to embrace the body I have right now. I'm not skinny but I'm not plus sized either. I feel pressure from myself and certain people in my life to be skinnier and not "let myself go." I

'm so happy to have friends who have helped me through my struggles and support me, even when I don't want to support myself. These YouTuber's have opened my eyes to the fact that this body deserves to be loved just as much as my former, smaller body.

I want to love myself with 100% of my being and I hate how much hatred I've allowed to go on inside of me. There is only one me and I need to be proud of her. Maybe she gained some weight and isn't what society expects from a girl, but she's still amazing and has so much to offer.

I wish I could see more girls like me on YouTube or social media offering a representation of my body type, which I hardly ever see. Aerie and American Eagle have done a fantastic job of including different body types and it's been a great help in seeing that they really to make clothes for all types of women, not just a size zero to two. Added representation really does wonders for someone suffering from low body confidence like me.

While I hope to begin my journey into losing a few pounds this summer by jogging whenever I get the chance, I'm not going to put intense pressure on myself to look a certain way. I am single for the summer and exploring life with my best friends by my side. I'm here to be the best version of me that I can. I cannot let negative thoughts about myself to dictate how I feel every day. I am strong, I am beautiful, and I need to love myself and my body as I am.

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To The Girls Who Have Doubts About Their Worth

You can do so much more than you know!

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I won't say I'm a professional at this, but it is a frequent state of mind. I think that's just something we all go through. Whether it be during high school, college, or even later. There's a small part of your brain that whispers, "You don't deserve this" or "You're not good enough." And despite all of your accomplishments and how far you've come, you believe it. It's not your fault, it's none of ours, it's just something that makes us second guess everything about ourselves. It's not intentional, it just happens. Sometimes even without us knowing it. So, this article is for you all. I hope it helps.

This past semester has been the best one of my three years of college. I got the best grades, the highest GPA, and I actually enjoyed myself. I am in my major classes, and it really made me proud that I made the scary switch. I am in a much better place and I am so thankful. I am changing apartments next year and living in the same complex as three of my best friends. I am going to get a job and enjoy my senior year. So, despite having all of these amazing things in my life, there is still a sliver of doubt that I don't deserve it. Since I found my passion, I'm not allowed to have two fantastic internships or a summer job. Or time next semester to enjoy my college career. And it doesn't matter how many times my mom reassures me that I'm doing great or my friends tell me that this is the happiest they've seen me, I still have this doubt.

My advice for dealing with the negative thoughts is this: tune them out. Say f*** it, and just do your thing.

All you can do is better yourself and your future. Take risks and do something that you actually enjoy. I didn't realize how much I hated business until I switched to journalism. Even a small change like that has really turned my entire life around. I have met so many fun and awesome people that I now call my friends because of this switch. It's OK to be nervous but take that leap of faith. Trust yourself. You are capable of so much more than you let yourself believe. As long as you are safe and careful, make things happen. Apply for that job. Get that tattoo. Do what makes you happy. Because that's all any of us want. We all want to be happy, and if you can do that, you can do anything.

Yes, putting yourself out into the world is super scary. But it's worth it when it matters and it's something you want to do. You are worth so much more than you are aware of, and that stupid, little voice in the back of your head should be your motivation. It should push you to become the best version of yourself you can be. Don't let it hold you back, let it push you forward. You don't want to miss out on awesome opportunities because of that stupid voice, right? Right! So, just tell that voice, "Give it your best shot" because you just use that voice to motivate yourself to do the best you can. Nothing should hold you back, even that little voice, because, you can move mountains and change the world.

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