My first year of college did not go as planned.

I had high expectations. I know that I might've been unreasonable with some expectations, but it still doesn't change the fact that they were not met. The first two months of college were like an exhilarating roller coaster ride. It was my first semester away from home, living in a dorm with complete strangers that could become my best friends, making decisions on my own, getting whatever food I wanted from the dining hall and going to Penn State football games. The weekends were filled with football and friends and everything seemed to be speeding by.

I could easily say my first two months of college were some of the best days of my entire college experience. However, reality hit quickly when I failed my first calculus II exam. Having never failed anything in high school, this grade came as a shock to me. Math was always a strength for me and so it felt like I got hit head on by a train. School work was starting to pick up at this point and midterms were approaching. They didn't go well for me. At this point in my semester I had a complete breakdown. I remember crying in my room and on the phone with my mom. I didn't want people to know I was struggling, especially my family and my best friends. Now I realize this was a mistake.

By the time my first semester ended and I got to go home for winter break, I knew I didn't want to go back to school and take more classes that I would struggle in. I wanted to be back in high school, excelling in school and in sports. Three weeks went by quickly and I was back at school, but I decided I would try to be more optimistic and proactive about this semester. That lasted for a week or two. I still couldn't get myself to take interest in any of my classes. I was failing yet again in a course, this time it was physics. I had another huge change of heart and started to second guess my major, which at the moment was engineering in the hopes to major in industrial engineering. I couldn't imagine myself as an engineer anymore and didn't have any passion to become one. I ended up switching into the division of undergraduate studies in the hopes to figure out what I want to do for the rest of my life. This entire process was and still is extremely stressful for me as someone who likes to have a plan and stick to that plan exactly.

All in all, I did not imagine any of this to happen to me in my first year of college. I knew school would be hard and that managing my school work among other clubs and activities that I was involved with would be difficult, but it all was too much for me to handle.

I thought I could handle it, but it turned out I couldn't.

It was hard for me to admit this since I have succeeded in most parts of my life so far. I've been extremely blessed in this sense and because so I set these high expectations that college would be similar. I thought that my first year of college would be the time that I made some of my best friends, found my passion for my major and got involved on campus. Some of this happened. I found friends that truly care about me and my well-being, joined a THON committee, and even managed the Lady Lions basketball team. Not everything turned out in my favor, and that's okay. All of these setbacks and heartache have shaped me into a more determined, realistic, and stronger person. I'm not saying college is all bad, but it's different from what I imagined and planned for. It has its ups and downs, but the highs would not be as satisfying if I did not suffer through the low points. I am thankful for my family's support throughout this entire period of my life. It is because of them and my closest friends that I found the strength and courage to fight back. I look forward to seeing what the future has planned for me!