It's been a while since my last photo journal in Oaxaca. I have to admit, my transition back to my 'reality' and set schedule was difficult. August became a rough month, I realized I was coming back to a dream and lifestyle that didn't belong to me. I was coming back to a lifestyle that belonged to others. My entire life I dedicated my time and energy proving to other people reasons to be proud of me. This dream was engraved in me as long as I can remember through society. It was important to others for me to 'succeed.' I was a first generation Salvadorian who had to beat the statistics of the system. I became a Latina who graduated from high school on top of my class with AP Honors, completed two bachelor degrees in college, and started working for one of the most admired technology companies in the world. I did everything the right way. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with this dream. My academic and professional accomplishments molded my strong character and inspired other young adults in my community they could do the same. I'm proud of everything I have accomplished in my lifetime on my own, my journey wasn't easy, and these are great things for my resume. However these accomplishments haven't filled my soul with love.
Summer of 2016 taught me how to be conscious of myself and others, how to connect with the universe through books, engaging and learning through conversations, and I was inspired to re-write my own dream. These moments are gifts and I felt whole. I realized after 26 years I've been living on this planet in a dream that didn't belong to me. How do you recover from that? How do I leave my imprint on this world? Yeah, I became a little depressed after having this insane realization. I was uninspired by my 'success'. The depression detracted me away from my creativity for a bit, I was not in a mood to write or take photos. During that time I was finishing a well known book, "The Four Agreements," by Don Miguel Ruiz. In the last agreement he states:
Always Do Your Best. Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse and regret...
How is it possible that I come across this chapter in the book during this stage of my life? It's important to be present because it's the only way to be productive, be good to myself, and how I share myself with my family, community, and the world. The truth is, what I do today is going to make me happy. I cannot be worried about the future, I have to keep my attention on TODAY and do my best in the present moment.
Although I didn't take a lot of photos this time around, I felt connected with the moments I captured. The photos I've included in this journal were taken with my Canon AE-1, the same camera I used in Oaxaca. In addition, this is my first time taking photos using black and white negative film. The film roll was an expired 2012 Arista EDU Ultra 400 and developed by SwapFilm, a local business startup in San Francisco. I'm fascinated by the quality and service SwapFilm provided, I'll definitely be going back. Please enjoy these beautiful photos I captured of my beloved friends. I couldn't of asked for better people to be part of this process. Let me know your thoughts and share your comments below!
