My End-Of-The-Semester Reflection

As I’m writing this, my eyes continue to fight sleep deprivation, after barely 4 hours of slumber in order to make it to my German final at 9 a.m. Following a night of endless typing for hours, desperately scrambling to pull together seven pages on Sylvia Plath for an English Literature class. It has nearly become second nature to squint at any sudden beam of light entering a space. Almost like a vampire surviving amongst the living, as if my pale complexion wasn’t enough.

As I’m writing this, I glance at the gloomy grey of the cloudless sky, passing by me, almost as a blur, with the steady motion of the train. A slow acoustic song flows through my headphones, and I have somehow created my own movie sequence. With this atmosphere, it seems like just the time to delve into a reflection.

As I’m writing this, I have one final exam left to go until I am officially finished with this semester. I have come to notice that despite the challenges I faced in both my personal life and academic life, my anxiety has spiked only a few times over the course of these past few months. I’ve been surprisingly stress-free which is rare and rather unsettling. Despite my anxiety, I’ve found a sense of calm in moments where I usually would let my emotions get the better of me. Perhaps it’s a newfound lack of care towards things that used to affect me much more. This is arguably both a good and bad change. We need a healthy balance of eustress and distress, but for most college students that is an unattainable ideal because the distress highly outweighs any sort of ‘good’ stress. It’s been quite a while since I’ve experienced ‘good’ stress and for that, I truly cannot wait for the summer break to begin.

As I’m writing this, my mind is no longer focused on finals or my spring classes. I look forward to the summer with excitement, anticipation, and a desire for adventure. My best friend and I have been making a bucket list, full of boozy brunches, movie screenings, birthday plans in the making, and foodie experiences. I am looking forward to finally turning 21, and creating new memories I will think of fondly. I want this summer to be filled with less stay-at-home days, and more afternoons and nights spent enjoying what the city has to offer. I want this summer to be an active and productive summer. I want this summer to be a period of self-improvement and more importantly, self-love.

As I’m writing this, I’m at the end of my junior year of college. Like most, I can hardly believe I’ve already been in college for 3 years and technically I’m already a senior based on my credits. I am looking forward to graduating but I also am not ready to be done with college. And yet, this summer will be the first time I won’t be spending the first half of the break taking summer classes. Although my past summer classes have undoubtedly been some of my favorite courses that I’ve taken thus far, I want this summer to be the summer in which I have more freedom with my time. I want to take full advantage of this break, by working on myself, and spending as much time as I can with both friends and family. I know senior year will hit me full stride once September comes around, but until then I look forward to a summer filled with more laughs, more joy, more love, more bonding experiences and of course, more food.

May this summer be your much-needed vacation, away from college and away from seemingly endless loads of coursework, papers, and exams. Let this be the summer you spend focusing on you.