Every new year, I write a small note to myself. In this note, I highlight the year that has passed and review on how I have followed the goal I set for myself. I wouldn't call this goal a new year resolution, because I see new year resolutions as something you quit after two weeks into January. But nonetheless, I digress. I began writing these notes in 2017, hoping to build upon who I was and become a better version of myself each year. Having all of my notes next to me while I write this post made me realize that 16-year old Grace didn't take it quite seriously. And that's ok, I shouldn't have had to. In my 2017 note, I wrote about how that year wasn't bad or good but that I regretted it. I don't really remember why I did, but I do remember wanting to make 2018 something I didn't regret. Fast forward to 2018 and I did not reach that goal. Looking at my letter, I remember the loss I felt. I wrote how I wanted to go back in time and tell 2017 Grace to take more chances and have more fun because opportunities pass you up. I gave myself the advice of being courageous in 2019 in hopes that in the next year I wouldn't be so hesitant. And I wasn't. Starting off in 2019, I made the decision to go to State, far away from my friends and family. I went on spring break with my freshman year roommate (love ya Sofia). I went to Hangout Fest in Alabama hours before my high school graduation. When I entered college I met my closest friend literally the third day I was there. I also met my future boyfriend like 3 weeks in as well. I went to parties, I tailgated, I traveled and road tripped through the year, and even finished the semester with a high GPA and community service hours under my belt. 2019 held a lot for me. I never went through this much change in such a short amount of time and because of that, I felt like I was gonna break. I did complete my previous goal of not being so hesitant but at the cost of stepping out of my comfort zone a little too much. A close friend of mine helped me realize that I tend to say yes even when I didn't want to. And because of that, my goal in 2020 was to balance everything, think before I do things, and strive for fulfillment.
Looking back at 2020 I definitely did. I'm extremely grateful that I entered the year cautiously. I learned to do things on my own accord and separate myself from situations I didn't feel comfortable in. This year I was able to create deeper level friendships and become more adventurous.
So here's my advice to myself in 2021: don't be afraid to let people in and share. Your anxieties are shared by so many others and talking about your problems actually helps. Another piece of advice is to not be so hard on yourself. It's ok that you can't please everyone because, at the end of the day, you chose people that will be there for you no matter what.
I don't know what this year will hold, but I don't think it will have as many firsts as 2020. Just continue to take chances, have fun, be courageous, balance everything, think before you act, strive for fulfillment, talk about your feelings, and not be so hard on yourself in 2021. :)
