Everything we have been through, only makes me love you more.
Let's take a jump back in time, shall we?
December 28th, 2014.
It is a very cold and brittle day in the good ol' mitten state, so cold it makes tears stream down your face and makes you angry at the world. It was a rough day for me, on the verge of a suicide attempt I thought that, that day might've been my last. Returning to my teenage roots I scroll through Facebook, what else to pass the time during winter break?
I come across this status talking about the immaturity of some people by a very beautiful boy, Tristen. With a rosy color rising to my cheeks and a smile perhaps emerging across my face, I comment back to him, "Man, tell me about it. Want to snapchat? Add Me:(Snapchat name here)" We begin talking daily, I slowly learn to cope with my depression, I stop self-harming, overall I become a happier person.
Days go by, it is now January 11th, 2015, and he finally decides to ask me "Do you want to date me? You can come over and we can hangout and watch movies." At this point in time I was dealing with severe social anxiety.
We meet for the first time and I completely blow it, I let my anxiety take hold of my day and I barely proceed to talk, let alone look at this boy. Being that I pushed him away slightly (unintentionally). He doesn't think that things will be very great but I ask if I can make it up to him, prove to him I'm a rad person.
We hang out again and everything goes perfectly. Laughs, playing videos games and good food calls for a good date. We continue to date and time flies by and before we know it, it is our one year anniversary.
Where did the time go?
I remember starting it like it was just yesterday. When I think about the fact that we started dating in 2015, and it's already almost 2018. I can't believe I've spent such a large portion of my life being devoted to not only someone but school on top of that. I struggled so severely with depression, I self-harmed almost every night. I spent a lot of my nights awake at 3-4 AM when everyone else was asleep, and having to wake up for school at 6:30.
I would sit there with hot tears streaming down my face, and sometimes not even knowing why. All of those nights went away, we would FaceTime each other every single night, I would fall asleep to the sound of my fan and his breathing. The comfort that I would receive from just listening to his breathing was almost unimaginable.
He was the absolute best boy of my dreams; tall, dark hair, deep voice, beautiful brown eyes and a bright white smile. He still is my dream boy, and I don't express it as much as I should. It was like living a dream. Each day went by with ease, it's like all the days just formed in to one big, day.
The welcoming arms are one of the best things of all.
Not only his big, warm and oh so welcoming arms, but his loving family, too. From day one I felt loved and accepted in his home. His parents are some of the sweetest people I know, and have only inspired me to become something better. They would happily feed me until I was stuffed like a turkey.
In nights of severe weather, they would take me in to their home to ensure I was safe. No matter where I went I felt cared for. Struggling with social anxiety did not make anything easier, there were some days I just did not feel like I could come in for a social gathering, but I pushed through it with the love and support of his parents, and grandparents as well. I could not ask for a better group of people to be so close with.
Through thick and thin.
The second he became part of my life, I always felt like he was going to continue being in it. He isn't just my significant other, he is my best friend. There are very few people in this world who I'd openly just talk about anything to, but if there's any one person who I typically want to talk to after a long day at school, it's him. I know that I can count on him, and that's something I will always be thankful for.
Everyone has hardships.
Now, I'm not saying that we are some perfect dream couple, or that everything is okay all the time, because the sad reality is, it's not. My heart has had to go through hurt that sometimes I can't even comprehend. Even though I have been hurt, I learned to forgive and move past it, because there is no perfect couple.
Summertime Lovin'
Through all the summers we've spent together (which is like, 3.) Every single summer has been good and just absolutely filled with love, laughter and happiness. There were down points, too, but I prefer to focus on the positives. I was always allowed a later curfew during the summer, coming home around 11 PM every night, and this was simply heaven for us.
We liked to go to this spot at a local park and gaze at the stars and just talk about whatever we want. Sometimes we would talk the entire time we were there (Which was typically an hour-half an hour) There was also times that no words would need to be spoke to one another, we always just had this good vibe in the air between us.
Summer, Winter and Spring break always seemed to do us good. It was always the times that we could just sit back and not have to worry about anything. Now it is my senior year in high school and he's graduated already. It's sad to see the summer come and go, but it's also nice to get up and go to school/work and feel productive after 3 months of sitting around with tubs of ice cream and a movie in front of the two of us.
The beautiful memories.
Nothing can compare to all the memories we've made with one another. With almost 3 years of dating under our belts, there has been so many memories made that they're buried so deep in my subconscious I'll probably never be able to pull them back out. I love being able to sit back and just think of everything we've done.
In the summer of 2016, we went to Chicago to see a SlipKnot concert and even though at that point in time, he was struggling with some health issues, we rocked on all night. We had a fun ride there, a fun ride back and had fun the whole time we were there. That was the first time I had ever done anything like that.
In the summer of 2015, we went to a local festival, "Tulip Time" and it was beautiful. It was really hot and sunny that day, but we went with my parents and my brother anyway, I didn't want to miss it. The memories from that day still rest with me at night, I still have the ticket stubs from it.
In the summer of 2017, we went to the beach for the first time together. We did not just go once or twice, we went at least 6-7 times to our local beach. Each time managing to have more fun than the last. The first time we went, the water was freezing cold, but we hopped in anyway. It was like I was 10 years old again, with some fifth grade crush. We played in the sand, bathed in the sun, and splashed in the water like there was no tomorrow.
The beauty of it all, makes me feel at home.
It may not always be perfect, we may argue, but at the end of the day I don't know what I'd do without him. I frequently wonder how he's managed to put up with me for so long, I've spent a large portion of my life depressed, sometimes I would just be a still body lying with a cold, dead stare.
It wouldn't even feel like you're talking to a person, it was like speaking into an empty void. I wish I could apologize and make up for all the hours I spent wasted because I was depressed. I wish I could make up for all the time I've spent being anything but happy.
My Sweet Moon.
I gaze into my ceiling before bed, and he seems to be the only thought filling my head. I write this knowing it will forever be part of who I am. Even if the best turns to the worst, I can still revisit this and realize how beautiful love is, whether it's there or not.
We Are Anything BUT a Cliche.
This relationship is anything BUT normal, or a cliche. That is one of the things that makes me so happy about it, every day is a new adventure between Tristen and I.
Thank you.
Thank you Tristen, for being a true friend, thank you for being here. Thank you, and your family, and everything surrounding you. I love you.
