An MSU Inspired Naughty or Nice List
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An MSU Inspired Naughty or Nice List

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An MSU Inspired Naughty or Nice List

It’s the most wonderful time of the year! Finals week is over and winter break is finally here! Time to get ready for Christmas, which is alarmingly less than 10 days away. Nothing like a week of stressing over classes to now be stressing over what to get everyone in terms of presents. It’s certainly a challenge to account for everyone at this time. We know the standard gifts that mom, dad and our close friends are going to receive this year. Dad will get something for his workbench or something with that hideous Detroit Lions logo on it and mom is going to get candles or something that I won’t remember to get until Christmas Eve. My close friends will probably get the money back that I owe them and shoot, maybe I’ll be nice and buy them a drink at the bar… but they can only get what’s on special, no exceptions. However, what if we could switch it up a bit and get some other people some gifts? Whether they are on the naughty or nice list, they still deserve something, right? Here is the most precise list of gifts for some of the prominent names around. I’ll take full credit for coming up with this, but I can admit I confirmed with the man from the North Pole. Heard he’s an expert and checks his lists twice, or something like that.

Michigan State Football Team – Nice List – A top 5 finish in the AP Polls

I may be disappointed that the team is only in the Cotton Bowl and not the College Football Playoffs, but its still the Cotton Bowl!  Since all these big business corporations got to put their name in front of the games, we now have all these obnoxious games like “The Derek Zoolander Center for Kids Who Can’t Read Good and Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too” Bowl. Fortunately for the Spartans, the Cotton Bowl is one of the most prestigious of all the land. If MSU can win against a powerful Baylor Bears team, I’ll be a happy camper and this should put us in the top five of the polls. I emphasize should because I heard “Central Alabama State Tech” might join the SEC and we know how much the polls love to put ANY SEC at the top.

Michigan State Basketball Team – Nice List (For Now) – Gloves

I would give a year’s salary, eat a bowl of spider webs and get into a fight with a polar bear to see the Spartans win a national championship in hoops. This season doesn’t look very promising, but I will never count the fighting Izzo’s out of it. I love watching these guys, but I’ll be honest, it's not like the last year’s team. Last year was the year to win it all and they managed to underperform at the end of the season again. That continues to be a common theme so my hopes are not high. Why gloves in their Christmas stockings? So they can hold onto the ball… and also when I die they can wear them as the pallbearers at my funeral so they can let me down one last time. That was a crude joke, but you laughed and you know it you filthy animal.

Detroit Lions – Naughty List – Socks

Congrats on winning some games this year. You truly have given your fans some hope and unlike most things you haven’t managed to screw things up…yet. Good luck beating Green Bay in the frozen danger zone that is Lambeau field. I’d wish you good luck but you wouldn’t know what to do with it. Here are some socks, it's going to be cold up north.

University of Michigan – Naughty List – A Vizio television An expensive television for Christmas?!? Why do they get something so awesome if they are on the naughty list? That’s because the Wolverines need at least something to lift their spirits after the radical ride that was the Brady Hoke era. And I mean how else are they going to watch the Spartans tear up the Baylor Bears on New Year’s Day? No need to thank me, but remember to get your television early from Walmart. I know how you all like to come out of the woodwork when things are going your way.

Lou Anna K. Simon – Nice List – The novel, A Christmas Carol President Simon you are my commander-in-chief and I refuse to talk poorly about you. I also do not envy you as the president of this fine institution as your job is about as difficult as you can get. The university seems to be at an all time high, but I cannot fathom why you just got a raise and us students continue to see an increase in tuition. Something isn’t adding up and I’ll just say, “it doesn’t seem fair”. So there may be a lesson or two to be learned from the character Ebenezer in this fine Charles Dickens classic.

Michigan State Greek Life – Nice List – Greek Week

My first article ever written for this glorious online magazine was “Sorority Philanthropy Events; God’s Gift To Greek Life”. I won’t concede that’s not true, but there are other great gifts to the Greeks and one for certain is Greek Week. It's not really Greek Week, its more like Greek Semester. You get paired with another righteous fraternity and an exceptionally beautiful sorority, and for the semester you get to kick it together multiple times a week. Meet some new bros, raise some money for charity and find my wife in Songfest? Count me in!

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