Once again, I find myself in a new town, a new state, at a new school, and meeting new people. I packed up my car on Tuesday, said my goodbyes, and Wednesday I started the drive. Thursday I arrived at my new home for the next two/three years (at least), and Friday I was provided endless information in my orientation sessions (which resulted in a slightly more disoriented Vicky, ha!). Saturday consisted of unpacking, and finally getting some much needed rest.
Now here I am, slowed down for the first time in over a week, and it’s starting to hit me. I’ve moved! I packed up my life and am starting anew all over again! Why did I move to a place I’ve never been to and have absolutely no connection to? Why am I here again? What am I doing? Did I make the right decision?
You’d think, after six completely new relocations, 14 different addresses, and COUNTLESS changes throughout my life I’d be used to this by now. But starting over again never gets easier. Saying good-bye, or even saying “see you soon,” hurts just as much, if not more, than the last time. Digging up your roots and planting new ones never become less tiring. And here I am, realizing that this is not a new routine for me, and I still feel the same as I did the first time I did this.
Thankfully, this time I have a frame of reference. This summer I had the opportunity to work with teenagers from all over the world at a church camp who have lived a very similar life to mine. I was given the chance to talk about this very subject and I realized I should probably take my own advice. So here are four stages of moving, as experienced by Vicky Vail:
(Note: people experience this in different ways and in different orders. You might experience other stages, or only one of them. This is not scientifically proven; that is, unless you consider my experience scientific research. Which, I wouldn’t argue with…)
- Euphoria
In this stage you get excited, almost giddy, about all the new things you get to do and see and experience. For me it was about the new place, the new classes, the opportunities to do what I love, and to work towards a goal I’ve had for a long time.
Advice: Enjoy this! Make a list of things you want to do/experience. Give yourself goals and enjoy the excitement of something new. - Depression
In stage 2 you go basically fall off the cliff of euphoria into the valley of depression. Sometimes it can even become literal depression. This is when you realize everything you’ve left behind and you become very sad and miss everything and everyone. This is when you want nothing more to take it all back and run home…wherever that might be…
Advice: Look back at your list of things you were excited about. Look at your goals and strive for those things. They’ll help remind you why you’re here. - Denial
Now, this is where things get hard. It’s pretty easy to fall into this: you miss home so much that you live in the past. This is important: don’t ever forget your past! It makes you who you are today. But, you have to, you MUST be present where you are too! If you don’t, you might drive home from college every weekend and miss out on the chance to go to a church that really could use someone with new ideas. If you move to a new place and spend all your time talking to people from home and don’t make time for new friends, then you’ll always feel alone and isolated in your new home. Make sure to live the life you have now, not the one you used to have.
Advice: Find something good about the new place you’re in every day. Even it’s as small as the sky is blue today; or as normal as the fact that you’re breathing today; or if it’s something huge like you totally aced a test or made a new friend. You might not be ready to jump into new activities or get involved just yet, but find choose something to be joyful about every day. - Acceptance
Finally! You have moved past the sadness of having left something, you finally feel ready to accept the fact that you are in this new place for a reason, and you have to live where you’re at, not in the past. Yay! You made it through your move! Now it’s time to get crazy! =D Jump in! Find a church to become a member of, get into your routine, go to your new favorite coffee shop, and welcome to your new home!
Advice: Get involved!!! Wherever you are there’s more to do than just go to class or go to work. Go to a new museum, get coffee with a new friend, go explore all those things you were excited to do. Once you’ve done those, add new things to your list. Get plugged in. You need people, and chances are they need you, too.
So, whether you’re a freshman in college, your family has moved to a new city or country, or if you’ve decided on your own to start something new, remember this: look forward to what you are going to, don’t dwell on what you’re leaving behind. Be willing to plant new roots, and, most of all, choose joy.
Good luck with your new chapter of life!
