If your reading this it means I just began my 10 hour journey for college.
Like most kids, I have been dreaming of college ever since I found out what college was. Sure, I have been craving the independence that comes along with it, but I have also been fantasizing over all aspects of college-- even academics. Yeah, I know, #NerdAlert, but seriously I cannot wait to further my education.
Yesterday I began loading my car with all of my belongs-- the ones I could fit into 3 boxes that is-- and it really hit me... I AM MOVING TO COLLEGE. I realized that all of my excitement quickly drained from my body as a put the first box in my trunk. I am not sure if my excitement was replaced with fear, sadness, or regret-- perhaps I filled with all three-- but I do know that in that moment I felt anything but excited.
Don't get me wrong I am still totally over-joyed at the chance to spread my wings and fly but there is something terrifying about it at the same time. I know you must be thinking, "Well duh! Going out on your own IS scary." but just let me try to explain why I felt all the emotions above.
Fear:
As I loaded my car I felt a rush of panic run over me. My heart began to race, much like that feeling you get in your heart as your parasailing or before you finally tell her you love her. It was not a bad fear, but it was definitely fear. I am not scared that I will get to school and not be able to make it on my own, I know I am more than capable of that, I guess I just got those jitters every college kid gets.
1. What if I get homesick
2.What if I don't make friends
3. What if I can't make a long-distance relationship work
You know the usual.
Sadness:
Of course leaving home is sad, it is the place that you have grown accustom to. You know the streets without reading the signs, you know all your favorite places to eat, and you know where the speed traps are. Then of course there is the human nature aspect of missing the ones you love. I have said goodbye to family and friends for about a week and with each one it got harder. Granted, it isn't goodbye forever it truly is just a I'll see you at Christmas, but they hurt nonetheless. Since I moved to a new town just weeks before moving to college I thought it would make my transition easier. I can't miss a place I barely know, and I was right. As I load the boxes however, I feel sadder and sadder. It's as if every box is a person I am leaving behind. My sister, my grandma, my uncle, my cousin, my girlfriend, my mom. Each box makes me feel more distant than the next and it is just a sad feeling.
Regret:
Regret is definitely not a feeling you would think a college kid would feel, but it crossed my mind. What if I made the wrong choice by choosing a school so far away? What if it isn't right for me? Why didn't I just choose another school closer to home? These are all thoughts that crossed my mind and ultimately I know I made the right choice for me, I just hope that my choice doesn't hurt others too much. You see, I realized as I was loading boxes that while I am definitely going to be sad, how are others going to feel? Will my girlfriend be able to be away from me for that long or will she grow tired of the distance, thus growing tired of me? Will my mom feel like I abandoned her? What about my niece and nephew, will they understand why their uncle isn't at their birthdays?
You see, I have been packing for college since February, I have been so eager to leave that I never thought the day would come to where I would actually do it. The feelings I had while packing my boxes is a complete 180 from the feelings I had while packing the car. As I travel the next 600 miles I am sure that I will have these feelings and many more cross my mind and I guess that is just part of the ride called life, huh?
"I'm just beginning
The pen's in my hand
Ending unplanned"
-Natasha Bedingfield
