So I am back..... I've went on a leave and have returned; returning with a heavy heart. Since my last piece, I had a grandfather and an uncle. I write you this article without them. Sometimes you think that everything is alright and then one call/text can change your life forever. Though my summer was fun, July 9th and August 2nd will forever ring a bell in my mind as dates of true significance and importance to my life. Why is death so hard to deal with?

People always give you condolences and say how sorry they are and most of the time it's beautiful and thoughtful. Though, there are the times when (I especially) don't want to hear it. Death is so unknown and complex that even the brilliant of minds can't wrap their heads around. Why does death even have to happen?

I remember the nights of which I found out that they both died. My grandfather named John Thomas Buehler Sr. died peacefully in his sleep on the night of July 9. I found out through a text saying that he died. In that moment, my heart dropped. My last living grandparent...... dead? How could I even move; all I did was sit there in shock and disbelief. News I wasn't ready to hear at all. The last time I had seen my grandfather was approximately six years prior to his death. I was off from work that night and I returned to work (which was a summer camp) the next day and went on, thinking that it would disappear and that it actually didn't happen to me.

I found out that his funeral was coincidentally set for the day of my birth, July 14. So one can only imagine how I felt about that! That morning, I completely lost it during the services because I looked at him, with grief and pure upsetting feelings; mainly because I hadn't seen him and I felt like I had let him down. I never got to say goodbye Bubby! Something that will stick with me for the rest of my life. Reflecting back, I have come to terms with the fact that he's happy and safe up there with my grandmother and his beloved wife, Carole Ann Bergeron-Buehler.

My uncle, my father's baby brother James Buehler died three and a half weeks after his father. I was in Massachusetts for a little get-a-way for my friends twentieth birthday. Driving down Patriot Place and I noticed my phone light up, pulled over and read yet another text from my father saying that my uncle had died and was taken off life support (he fought a long and hard battle with Lung Cancer)..... my friend kept reading it to me while I was driving, in shock. I remember saying "Really man! Why did this have to happen to me?"

My friends tried to console me and in my head, all I wanted to do was go to my bed and cry for days. I never thought two people who I never thought of to die, died so close and I never thought it would hit so close to home for me. My Uncle Jimmy was someone I only saw every once in a while; he would always ask me questions about how school was, how life was and most importantly, how I was doing. I knew how much he meant to my aunt and how much his family depended on him. He was truly a fighter and I hope he finds some solitude and peace up there, he deserves it.

Besides that, my summer was fantastic. Working at a summer camp working with older men with Special Needs to be made my life so fun and exciting! I truly miss it already. It was a camp that helped me get through my grandfather and uncle's passing; for that, I will be eternally grateful. In three days, I start my new journey as a Resident Assistant for Mitchell College. I will always carry them with me, remember the memories I have with them. Always knowing that they will be watching over me for the rest of my life.

Death might have taken two of my family members, taken a part of my heart for this summer. But it will NOT take my strength to keep moving and carrying them with me in everything I do. I'm proud to be a Buehler and will always remember the strong-willed, stubborn men that I called my family!

I know that I will be alright, taking it day by day. But you know what I'll be alright!