My black, modest heels clicked on the hard floor of the foyer of the grand church. A shiver ran down my spine as the chapel doors boomed shut behind me, making this day all the more surreal. I clutched the box that was as dark as space to my chest, adding another wall of protection against my heart, even if it was full of ashes.

The service went as expected. The preacher spoke, I spoke, and those who thought they knew my family spoke. Some of Jeb’s friends spoke, telling stories of their adventures. I didn’t know my brother had such odd friends. Old people who apparently knew me when I was “this high” said a few words of when they first met my parents. The air was salty from strangers’ tears and I didn’t want to be there.

My black dress snagged against my stockings, but I kept the beat of my clicking heels steady, even when I reached the swarm of “empathetic” people mingling in the foyer. I had to pass through them to get to the exit. I kept my face stone-like besides the occasional crack of a forced smile as strange faces offered me their condolences.

“You’re so brave,” hummed one couple.

“Sorry for your loss,” whispered another, their face twisted in a way that made me clench my teeth to keep from snapping at them. The clicks of my heels became more frequent as I felt my chest constrict, yearning to go home. Home. The corners of the box dug into my arms as I shook my head and focused on getting outside. I just needed fresh air.

I muttered my last goodbyes to the strangers that stood in the foyer and pushed the doors open that led to the outside. The crisp fall air hit me like a wall and the hairs on my arms stood on end. I filled my lungs with clean air.

What a morning, I thought, my body beginning to feel extremely heavy. A single, sudden sob racked my shoulders. It hiccupped out of me, stealing what breath I had stored in my lungs. The corners of the box sliced further into my arms as I struggled to regain control. Taking a breath, I told myself to keep it together till I got back to my new home.

My breath was still shaky as I plodded down the steps of the chapel and headed down the street to the corner. My breath steamed and floated away up into the gray sky and I let out a snort because what perfect weather for such a grim day.

What would really make it better was if it would start raining, I thought to myself. The calming click of my heels stopped as I made it to the corner and flagged down a cab.

“Train station, please,” I told the driver as I folded myself into the yellow car.

“Which one?” The cab driver barked back.

“Strye Station,” I responded, earning a raised eyebrow from the driver in the rearview mirror. She didn’t question it though and I was thankful. I chewed my lip raw on the silent drive to the abandoned train station. I stared out the window, watching the buildings slowly get smaller and slowly increase in distance as we ventured further and further out of town.

I was lost in thought when we passed a familiar black frame of a house. My nostrils filled with the memory of the smell of smoke as I saw the destroyed house that was once so beautiful. I quickly looked away, squeezing my eyes tightly shut to try in vain to get the image of the burned house out of my head. An image of the light blue house that used to be there filled my mind instead. The light blue house had a white door with beige trim. That house wasn’t just a house, it was a home and it was my home, but now it was reduced to black charred wood. I shook my head to shake those thoughts as the car came to a stop at my destination, I dug into my purse for chap-stick and a twenty dollar bill.

“Thank you,” I mumbled, handing the woman the twenty. The chap-stick popped open and I smoothed it on my lips and put it back into the depths of my purse before hugging the black box to my chest once more and exiting the car.

There was no click from my heels to focus on this time, though, as walked carefully on the dead grass and dirt surrounded the decrepit station. There was just the sound of my trembling breath. I headed for the train tracks, past the single, leaning building. The red paint was stripped and worn from decades of weather. The roof had caved in long ago leaving it open and dangerous. One wall leaned precariously, hanging on to the rest of a building by a thread. I imagine just a single gust of wind would knock it down to the foundation, but the small building stood its ground.

Behind the building was a single train car; an old passengers car, complete with two passenger rooms, a servants’ room, two half bathrooms, a sitting area, and a kitchen. This was my new home.

I set the dark box of ashes down when I came to the entrance of the train car. I pulled a latch on the platform and lifted it up, revealing a set of stairs. I opened the gate, picked up the box, and walked up the stairs, setting the box down again. I closed the platform and the gate before fishing in my purse for a key.

“Aha,” I cheered quietly to myself when I found the small silver key. I shoved the key into the door and flung it open. I brought the box inside and set it on the nearby table. After locking the door behind me, I flicked the switch, thankful that the battery was still alive.

I’ll have Cas check when he gets here.

I went straight to my room, where I still hadn’t unpacked my suitcase of things that had survived the fire. Nothing I actually wanted to survive survived the fire. Another sob threatened at the base of my throat as I thought of what was in the suitcase. I thought of all the photographs and memories that could be gone forever and I was almost terrified to look in it and see what was left of my family. My cheeks got hot at the memory of the feeling of the massive flames that swallowed all I loved when I came home from the University that one cold night. Before I broke down again I shook my head and focused on other things.

Next to the suitcase was Walmart bags full of clothes and other necessities I’d bought. I assumed there wasn’t a whole lot of wearable clothes in that suitcase. I also had groceries on the kitchen counter, too that needed to be taken care of.

I sighed as I looked through the bags of clothes for the large sweater and a pair of sweatpants that was top priority on my list of clothes to get. Just as I finished shoving my thick, curly hair into a pony tail, the sound of tires on gravel sounded just outside the train car.

“Casen?” I said to myself, my heart leaping.

“Hey, A! Are you in there?” I smiled from ear to ear and as Cas’s voice pulled me from my room to unlock the door and run out into the cold.

“Cas!” I exclaimed, leaning over the balcony. Smiling brown eyes looked up at me and my happiness expressed itself through my eyes as my cheeks became wet.

“Are you going to let me in?” Cas asked with a grin and I nodded, wiping my face with the back of my hand. As quickly as I could, I lifted the platform and opened the gate. I didn’t give Cas a chance to climb up the steps because I flew down them into his arms. Tears that I’d held in so expertly all day came rushing out of me. My crying muffled as I dug my face into his chest and the sweet smell of hot tea and honey filled my nose. The smell brought me back to times my family, Cas, and I would sit with tea mugs in our hands talking with one another. I quickly shoved the memory away and tried to just focus on the present. His arms wrapped around me and held me so tightly, and I didn’t want him to ever let me go.

“We should get inside,” Cas said softly. I pulled away from him, nodding and sniffing. Cas led me up the steps and put me inside the warm car while he closed the platform. I rubbed my suddenly tired eyes and I heard the lock of the door slide home.

“Amara?” I opened my eyes to see those wonderful brown eyes looking at me.

“I’m okay,” I lied to him. I sniffed and wiped my nose on my sweater sleeve.

“No,” whispered Cas as he pulled me to him, burying my face in his chest once again. “You’re not.” I felt his lips press up against my forehead. I could feel the scratchy scruff of his beard on my forehead and the force of how much I had missed him hit me all at once. Tears threatened at the brim of my eyes once again, but I refused to let them fall. I shut my eyes and breathed in Cas’s smell. He was here and I was safe.

“I missed you,” I whimpered into his chest. He pulled me away so he could look me in the eye. His soft brown eyes were sparkling with concern and sadness. The yellow light of the train car lit up the dark red highlights in his hair that stuck up in all different angles. Not being able to help myself, I reached up and ran my fingers through his lovely hair. Cas leaned into my hand when I rested it at the side of his hand. Cas cupped my hand with his and kissed the inside of my palm and little waves of electricity surged up my arm.

“I missed you too, but now I’m here, okay?” I nodded, letting more tears fall from my eyes. “I’m here.” He dropped my hand pulled me too him again and we stood embracing each other for a long time, but I could’ve stayed in Cas’s arms for an eternity.

“Is that them?” Cas asked in that soft voice he used when he was trying not to upset me, but still wanted me to talk to him.

“Hm?” It took me a while to understand that he was talking about the box that was as black as an abyss, sitting sadly on the table in the corner. “Y-yes,” I answered. “That’s mom, dad, and Jeb.”

“I’m so sorry, A.” Cas sucked in a shaky breath and I felt his arm tighten around me. “I’m so sorry.” I knew he meant it.

“I wish you could’ve come to the service,” I whispered after another moment of silence.

“Me too, baby.” Cas kissed my forehead again before pulling away and looking down at me. “Come, Amara. Let’s get you some food.”

I followed Cas down the narrow hallway to the kitchen at the end of the car. I ignored the pile of clothes and bags that needed to be unpacked and focused on Cas and how he was there. I was really glad he was there.

“You didn’t put away groceries,” teased Cas once he saw all the bags on the table.

“Don’t judge,” I scoffed. “I was tired from planning the service.”

“Alright, well let’s start with that,” chuckled Cas.

It took us a while to find a place for everything. The kitchen was the last quarter of the train car and it was very compact. It was open with a small square island in the center where all the groceries were sitting on. There was only two cupboards inside the island where we stored the large things like pots, pans, and cleaning supplies. To the right of the island was the wall that had everything else. A large fridge with a freezer occupying its bottom half was shoved in the corner and we barely fit all the food in the fridge and freezer. We had to get creative though when putting things in; we packed, unpacked, and repacked probably about three times before we were able to get all the food I had bought in there. I bought enough to last us a while.

Then to the right of the fridge was the oven and stove with a counter extending the rest of the way to the wall. There was only three drawers inside the counter space. The top two were shallow and the bottom one was a lot deeper. We put towels in the bottom drawer and utensils, measuring cups, and other cooking tools in the top drawers. Three cupboards hung above the counter to the right of the fridge. In those we put the dry food, spices, and anything else that was left over.

During all this Cas was writing down a list of other things we would need such as spoons and another pot or two. Cas also wanted a few extra, not necessary things such as a hanging pot rack and a smoothie maker. I just rolled my eyes at him and began making dinner. Cas and I made some soup then sat out on the couch in the sitting area, sipping our soup because we didn’t have spoons.

“Does this vinyl record player still work?” asked Cas, setting down his bowl.

“I have no clue,” I mumbled, looking over at the vintage record player in the corner. The contraption sat on a small wooden table. The base of it was a dark wood with the crank sticking out one side and the wide horn grew out of the back. The old brass horn could use a dusting as well as the turn table so I went to kitchen to grab a rag. When I came back, Cas was looking through a box of vinyl’s.

“Geez, these things are ancient,” laughed Cas, picking up a Beatles record. I moved to clean off the record player with the rag, but Cas stopped me. “Oh, the lady shall not lift a finger tonight,” he chided with a smirk. I rolled my eyes at him and handed him the rag which he took with a wink.

I sat back on the couch and glanced at the Beatles record Cas still held. The sleeve it was in was tattered and worn around the edges as were all the other sleeves in the box. After wiping everything down with the rag, Cas pulled the record out of the sleeve and placed it on the turn table. He began to fiddle with the contraption, trying to figure out how it worked. I watched in amusement as Cas chewed on the inside of his lip like he did when he was thinking hard. Suddenly, an unpleasant scratching sound screeched out of the horn of the record player. Cas and I cringed, but then the scratching noise was replaced by the tune of “Hey Jude”.

“Oh, this song,” I mused and giggled at Cas’s triumphant grin. Cas sauntered over causing another laugh to rumble out of me. He took my bowl of soup out of my hands and pulled me up from the couch. “Casen,” I laughed as he started to wiggle my arms about. “I don’t feel like dancing.”

“Come on, A,” pleaded Cas putting his hand on my hip and my hand on his shoulder. We began to rock back and forth in a wild manner led by the crazy Cas. He held my hand out to the side and we waddled like penguins in tune to the music. Suddenly Cas held me out and spun me around, pulling me back to him forcefully. I threw my head back in laughter and in that moment I forgot all that had happened this past week.

I forgot about the fire and the funeral. I forgot about the loss of my family and the emptiness that filled my heart. Because in that moment it was just me and Cas. I may have lost my home and my family, but I had Cas. He’s my home now. Cas wasn’t going to leave me and my lonely train car.

We danced to old music for a while before we crawled into bed together. It was the first time I slept the whole night since the fire that took what I thought was all I had.