Three weeks ago I turned to my friend and said simply, “What if he wins?” She gave me a disapproving look and, feeling silly, I answered my own question. “Right – there isn’t that much hate here.”

I was wrong.

When I woke up to hear the news of our President Elect I was upset, I was afraid, but I wasn’t shocked. I had a feeling this would happen. I saw the people of my hometown – a town I considered to be moderate at it’s worst – march down our main street holding signs and spewing hate speech. I heard people I considered friends – educated people – pledge their allegiance to him. I saw the states turn red on November 8th and, in a quiet protest, walked up my stairs at 1 AM to sleep in hope of waking to a day of celebration that never came. At 6 AM on November 9^th I rolled over, shut off my alarm, and checked the polls. I put my phone down, looked up at the ceiling, and told myself that I could be angry today. Just this one day.

Here are the things I cannot believe:

I cannot believe that Mr. Trump, a man who seems to have run his campaign on more points of hate and discrimination than he did facts and policy, has won the election.

I cannot believe that I know people – friends, coworkers, family members – who voted for him not because they feared the other option, but because they agree with his ideals and moral compass.

I cannot believe that Trump will be our head of state and therefore be looked up to and respected.

I cannot believe that we failed to elect the more knowledgeable, diplomatic candidate. A candidate who fights for equality. A candidate who fights for family. A candidate who, just in being elected herself, would have broken glass ceilings in the political world.

I cannot believe that we have four years of this coming.

I feel utterly ashamed to call myself an American on this day. It’s a feeling that runs deep in my blood. There is a white-hot rage inside of me that I did not expect to feel today and it is hard to put my emotions into words. What comforts me in this moment of crisis is that I am not alone. None of us are. And those who are rightfully offended, hurt, and disgusted by this election are speaking out. They are making hashtags and filming videos and protesting in the streets. I am tempted to join in. I want to hear the words “He is not my president!” rolling off my tongue in a crowd of those who understand. I have heard them – alone in my room as I try to make sense in my head of the events that have unfolded before me. But I will not rush to the streets. I will not say the words for others to hear. Because they aren’t true.

Here are the facts:

Donald J. Trump won the 2016 election taking 279 electoral votes.

Hillary Clinton, despite taking the majority vote, lost this election.

Donald J. Trump, in two short months, will be our President.

This is our reality. Donald J. Trump is the next Mr. President – a title and a respect of which, in my eyes, he does not deserve. But that is an opinion not a fact - as much as I wish it were. Come January 20^th, 2017 Mr. Trump will be our commander and chief – it is a course that has been decided. Anything else is a hopeful disillusionment. We must move on.

With a red House, Senate, and President, America is looking at the set up for a socially regressive four years. The strides that America has taken, especially in respect to LGBTQ issues and woman’s rights, are at stake. We the people need to fight to have our voices heard against a system that is not stacked in our favor. If we as a people want progressive social change we must work harder than we have ever worked before to ensure a safe and equal future for all races, religions, sexualities, and genders. We must appeal to our government. We must work with our government. And in doing so we must accept the turn out of this election and push forward to do what we can to fight for equality in the face of discrimination. We cannot let ourselves preach the hate as Trump has. We cannot position us against them. We must work together to make this nation better in the face of adversity.

It is appealing to say that Mr. Trump is not our President. But he is. There is no going back from this, as much as I wish there were, but can we work with it. We can live with it – we have to. It’s the only way, at this point, to enact change. It’s the only way to protect our rights. It’s the only way to get through these next four years. It’s what I will be doing. I will not respect him. I will not like him. But I will grit my teeth and move on. I will allow myself to be angry and disgusted today so I can fight for what is right tomorrow.