You hear it all the time -- it always happens. “Things change." It’s probably one of my least favorite phrases on the planet. The ominous and never-ending cycle of change or the sheer fact that something is inevitable but you never know what that is. Part of that may be a control issue inside of me and how I wish to be coddled so much, but I realize that’s just not how life is and you just have to “suck it up and deal with it.”

I think leaving school falls under the “suck it up and deal with it” type experience. I’d describe the feeling of leaving your campus, your friends, and the people you’re closest to as to breaking up with a significant other on mutual terms. The world is changing, and people are moving onto different parts of their lives. Today, a lot of people are moving in and out of their dorms, packing up boxes, and hugging and crying. I think that changing feeling has really hit their heart because it shows. It was also nice seeing people’s faces relax more because they realized they finished their last finals and finished this year.

Today, I also started moving things out of my dorm room. At a moment when I had time to myself, I remember looking out over at my side of campus and seeing all the activity. The school was gearing up to have Bill Clinton come this Saturday for graduation and kids were running around studying buzzed off caffeine. Yet I couldn’t help but remember that the place I called home would be vacant in a matter of days. The moving bodies would slowly diminish and the campus would go quiet. But in that moment, there was a buzz of excitement in the air. The idea of summer was like an adrenaline rush and despite being so nostalgic, it made me happy to know that I’m done and we all did it. It was an odd but pleasant feeling because the campus felt so unified. We made it through a year together and keep moving up.

I imagine I’ll be in a bit of a culture shock going back home as I can’t go to Venice Beach on a whim and have all my friends right around me. It’ll be strange thinking I don’t have to wake up for an 8 a.m. class Tuesdays and Thursdays and have someone remind me to go study in the evening. I don’t have to weave around people to get to the opposite end of campus every single day. I can’t randomly go out and go eat in Downtown LA when I get cabin fever or go totally LA and go to Urth Cafe. That’s going to be the weird change. Having the best of both worlds is truly satisfying.

So today I said goodbye to my best friend here. I believe there’s a feeling that you get when you know someone’s important. It’s almost unmistakable but you don’t want to get your hopes up. I met them in one of my first semester class and thought, “I really want to be friends with this kid.” I think it was worth getting my hopes up because it felt like we instantly connected and we’ve made it to the end of the road.

I was never good at “goodbyes.” I’m a fan of “see you later.” It sounds less concrete and definitive. I think it’s the only time when I wish change wasn’t dictated for me. As mentioned, I still have gone through the transfer application process and am waiting to hear back from various schools. But it was strange feeling of not being able to tell people “see you later.” It was, “Bye, have a good summer! Maybe I’ll see you again?” Luckily, for my friend and I, we’re meeting up in July to reconnect, but for some of the other people that have taken a great place in my heart, it was sobering. Despite the differences of people in college, we’ve seen each other grow and experienced both ups and downs. The people I would talk to on somewhat of a daily basis, I may not see again, and that was emotional.

I hate crying. Whenever people would talk about how the semester was ending, I’d always scream at them saying, “Shut up!” I think I have issues with denial because the day is here and I was freaking out. But today, while I didn’t cry, I was welling up trying to say goodbyes. It’s like the feeling when your best friend goes on vacation and you don’t know what to do with yourself- except longer. Saying goodbye to my best friend was the most difficult. I think we almost tried avoiding it, but it had to be done. One of the most satisfying feelings is hearing how much you mean to someone and I was given the opportunity to say that to my friend. It was moving to be quite honest. I’ve never really talked to people on such an emotional level for a simple goodbye but it made me realize how much I valued the people around me. We couldn’t even look at each other after hugging three different times cause it would’ve caused some major waterfalls, but the goodbye was not bitter.

I’m now sitting in my dorm room as there are boxes being piled outside and it gets quiet. I’m satisfied with my year. It’s a weird feeling, I’m ecstatic that I’m done with my first year but sad that it’s over and my brain and heart are very confused. LMU is just as much a home as where I’m from is. I never thought the idea of, “I’m going to miss here” would ever cross my mind, but it has. I wouldn’t trade my experiences here; they’ve helped me become more well-rounded and mature than I think anywhere else ever would and I’ve been exposed to great people and great things. I wish seniors the best in their futures. I also wish the incoming freshmen the time of their lives and my fellow students an amazing summer. Thank you all for making this year the crazy, fun rollercoaster ride it was. I’ll never forget it.

And on this sappy note, I’m happy to call myself a Lion.

I really do love LM(Yo)U.

Cheers!