Apparently it is not a new concept that you lose friends your first year of college (who knew, right?). Everyone tells you that it happens, but you never think it will happen to you. Even more than that, you never fathom the thought that it can just end with no explanation. So when it does, it catches you off guard. You think after the first time, it won’t ever reoccur. The crazy thing is, no one ever promised that. What does happen is you get through it. With pure grit, you move on and you grow more confident because you learn that it takes a strong person to move forward with no closure.

It’s a process I’ve been relearning this year. The first time I moved on with no closure, I will be honest, it took me years to overcome. But, I did it; though no one told me how hard it would be to let go and make yourself believe you will be OK. I came out the other end a little wiser and a little more selective about the people I trusted with the real me. So when it happened again only this semester, I thought I had failed in some way. I thought I had been careless with my friendship and with protecting myself. It was so easy to blame myself for something I had no information about.

What hurts is that you choose the people you want around and plan on years with them. You think you have all the time in the world and come to depend on it. And then one day, they decide they don’t want the same. It breaks your heart because you have all this love for someone who doesn’t want it. But, I think what makes the end of a relationship without closure the hardest is the lack of answers; the lack of an apology or even explanation you feel entitled to. This is the part that makes you a strong person. You learn to be OK not having the answers. You learn to stop blaming yourself for the tiniest mistakes. You learn that not everyone is going to think they’re wrong for disrespecting you with no apology and you even learn to forgive the friend that has left you.

Ultimately, I will say this: the more this happens, the better you get at it. Instead of years, I took months to move on and maybe one day, I’ll only take weeks. Whatever my time frame is, I know how to recognize when I’m making progress. It is when I watch a Robin Williams stand-up video and laugh instead lamenting on who the video reminds me of. It is when I can look at pictures and remember moments and smile about the joy I felt and it is when I can write about it and know that yet another chapter of mine is beginning to come to a peaceful close.