1. "The Last Song"

A classic Nicholas Sparks summer love story about forgiveness, family, true love, and second chances. Or as I like to call it, a corporate masterpiece. An angsty teen spends a summer with her estranged father, falls in love, negotiates her future, and discovers her true passion—the piano. Although, considering the plot through an adjusted prism, the film is actually pretty dark.

Things That Go Awry:

1. Divorce
2. Cancer
3. Abuse
4. Social Acceptance
5. College Planning
6. Heartbreak
7. Betrayal

Yikes.

This movie was wildly successful because every character is off the charts incredible, except for Miley Cyrus. Her 16-year-old, post-Hannah Montana self, plays “Ronnie Miller” a young girl who spends the entire summer complaining about visiting her Dad’s beach house, even though she becomes obsessed with sea turtle conservation and declines a full ride to Julliard because of it.

Trudging through this adversity, Ronnie stumbles across a guy with virtually zero flaws, at an aquarium. After three days, she makes it very clear that she doesn’t want to be “another girl on the list”, he reassures her that she is “not like other girls”, they fall in love, and she spends the rest of the summer abusing him.

He spills a drink, she storms out. He waves to his ex-girlfriend, she starts screaming. He invites her to his house, she gets mad at him for “being rich”. He apologizes to her dad on behalf of his friends for a fire that he wasn’t involved in, she dumps him. He comes back to help her little brother with a project while their dad is dying, she ignores him. And then finally, he tells her that he is transferring to Columbia so that she can “watch him make a few more mistakes” at Julliard, and she simply does not respond.

She also rejects every effort that her dad makes to rehabilitate their relationship, and proceeds to yell at him for getting cancer.

She decides to adjust her attitude at her dads funeral, and she cannot stop smiling about it. Angsty Ronnie finally admits that she likes playing the piano, sings “When I Look at You”, gazes into the church window and whispers “Hi Daddy”.

She sucks. But that's why we love this movie. If she had been the best girl ever this movie would have been irritating.

The synopsis is set up in a way that enables us to juxtapose our own lives and adversities with everything that goes terribly wrong with hers.

Hence, why the central themes are divorce, cancer, social acceptance, college planning, true love, and letting go.

Turns out, there is a science behind “The Climb”, and it has absolutely nothing to do with sea turtle conservation.

2. "The Lizzie McGuire Movie"

There is something wildly appealing about having a double identity, and the film industry has capitalized off of it. The Parent Trap. Zack and Cody. Hannah Montana. The Olsen Twins, The Shining. This narrative is even used in crime shows when detectives realize their suspect is innocent, and "just so happens to have a genetically identical twin brother who likes to harm small children". It keeps things interesting.

The Lizzie Maguire Movie is right up there with the rest.

All-American Lizzie heads to Barcelona with her two best friends; Miranda and Gordo. Upon arrival, she is approached by the European equivalent of Justin Bieber, who mistakes her for his duet partner, outside of the Trevi Fountain, a major, highlypopulated, tourist destination. Despite the odds, they fall in love, ride Vespas. Super savvy Gordo is high key jealous and discovers that he’s been LIP-SYNCING at concerts. Lizzie partners up with “Isabella,” to expose his dark secret. The doppelgängers combine forces, put on matching metallic pantsuits, and sing “This is What Dreams are Made of”

On my Spanish midterm last week, I was asked to give traveling recommendations to a newlywed couple heading to Barcelona. I quite literally wrote, “Les recomiendo que ustedes visiten la fuente de Trevi, donde Lizzie conoció a Pablo”.

15 years later, we have no idea what happened to Hillary Duff, along with 75% of our secondary school education. But we will always remember what happened to Lizzie, in Barcelona, on a class field trip.

This movie stuck with us because it shed hope that the ordinary girl can triumph. It's not that hard to become famous and expose a foreign celebrity for lip-syncing. All you have to do is go to Barcelona, visit the Trevi fountain, find your doppelgänger, and tell the world what dreams are made of!

Suburbia is an illusion, suckers.

3. "Along Came Polly"

The inverted rom-com. Risk-averse ben stiller takes a slap in the face when his wife cheats on him with a French scuba diver on their honeymoon. Classy. His life has slipped between the cracks until Jennifer Anniston comes out of nowhere and teaches him how to “live a little”. Alls well until she catches him analyzing her liability potential on risk calculator.

Jen leaves, and he reevaluates his life. His epiphany conveniently registers just in time to catch her before her flight. He sprints to her apartment and eats a sandwich off the ground to prove that he is both fun and flirty. They scurry off to saint baths and honeymoon at the exact same location as his first wife, and they cruise into the Atlantic Ocean on his riskiest clients yacht. A true book-end.

People forget about this one. This film is so strange it almost feels indie. It counters the traditional narrative style of the romantic comedy by crafting the story of two people who are anything but romantic and funny. There is nothing “sexy” about a risk aversion calculator, or an oversized domesticated rodent living freelance in a studio apartment on the lower west side of Manhattan.

It’s different, so it stands out. They also strategically cast two of the most high profile actors in pop culture.

They scammed the box office by inverting 400 other films just like it. AND they added a ferret.

Opposites attract, your 7th-grade love is coming back don’t worry, and most importantly that its okay to be weird! Woohoo! You’ll still get to go to St. Barths.

4. "The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants"

A tale of four best friends who are completely different, obsessed with one another, and have MAGIC pants.

Despite its genre on Netflix, this is an action movie, if not a video game. As the narration shifts between the four girls, viewers literally “become the pants” and become invested in each their lives…and it's fast.

One second you’re helping America Ferrara assimilate into her evil Anglo-Saxon Protestant stepfamily. Then you’re in Greece, watching Lana defy her family on a quest for forbidden love. Next, you find yourself in a department store with Tibby, becoming friends with a girl who has stage 4 leukemia.

And then before you even have time to shed tears, you’re in Baja, California helping Blake Lively lose her virginity to her soccer coach that is totally out of bounds, pun intended.

This movie has a LOT going on. The lifestyles, personalities, adversities, demographic backgrounds, and fashion sense of these girls are so stratified, that virtually any young girl can identify with them.

This movie is inclusive. It’s difficult to dislike or envy any of the characters because they have zero character flaws.

Great friends, eclectic gossip, and MAGIC pants. What else could a puberty-stricken 12-year-old ask for?

5. "Bride Wars"

The Cosmopolitan Fairytale.

Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway have been planning their weddings at the Plaza hotel since age 7, at the Plaza Hotel in Manhattan. Kate, the bubbly blonde, could not be more eager to wed her investment banking boyfriend. Anne, the tall, modest brunette kind of hates hers, but adapts the same mentality. Before we know it, They’re ENGAGED! Dreams become reality until they plan their wedding on the exact same day, refuse to compromise, and proceed to sabotage each others wedding plans and relationships until nothing/no one is okay. On the big day, the girls hug it out. Kate marries her husband, Anne dumps hers. But it all works out because Anne immediately falls in love with Kate’s older brother. Fair enough.

Just like in "Cinderella," "Mean Girls," "Gossip Girl," and even "Finding Nemo," everything works itself out. Friendship invites conflict, conflict creates envy, envy ruins relationships, and relationships can only be reconciled with friendship and love. The symmetrical story lines taught us that fairytales do come true.

3 years later, Kate and Anne end up happily married, and pregnant! With the same due date!

Good thing the credits rolled after that, the sequel could’ve gotten a little dark.

6. Project X

It was marketed as “the party we’d never seen”, so obviously we had to see it. Because it’s content was rated R, but the party…was rated X.

Matt throws a party, hundreds of people trash his house, the police are involved, Matt becomes a legend, and his parents aren’t mad because at least he wasn’t a loser. The end.

The plot is accessorized with parents on vacation, red solo cups, marajuana, liquor, sex, a S.W.A.T team, a ceramic gnome filled with ecstasy, and a dwarf character who attempts to bake himself in an oven.

We anticipated it, watched it, talked about it, and are still theming things after it so something was terribly successful. In fact, it grossed over $100 million in revenue worldwide, and became the #1 pirated movie of 2011. Let that sink in.

I don’t know what genre this movie falls under but it definitely isn’t comedy. This film is a series of anxiety-provoking events.

Because despite all the fun, the film is pretty joyless.

This poor boy lets people who hate him destroy his house, bury him in criminal prosecutions, and wipe out his college fund. And he’s wearing an argyle sweater the entire time. It’s uncomfortable.

Despite the criticism this film receives for encouraging every derogatory form of teenage behavior, it’s diminutive morals are orchestrated to convey the opposite. It sheds light on how pathetic this debauchery is, by illustrating the best possible scenario that can arise from having the best party ever. Hypothetically, if you invite every single person, drug, and liability into your house, you’re parents might be somewhat accepting of it because at least you weren’t a loser. In itself, that’s disappointing.

The only serious consequence for Matt is that his parents decide to use his tuition money to pay for the expenses. Yeah, they aren’t “mad”, but all of this debauchery happens before he even has a chance to attend a “real” party. Which is again, uncomfortable.

So, how did they get our attention?

1. Summer Love
2. Cancer
3. Getting married with your BFF
4. Getting pregnant with your BFF
5. Dating a Popstar
6. Becoming a Popstar
7. Having a Doppelgänger, who is also a Popstar
8. Not being a loser
9. Throwing the sickest party ever
10. MAGIC pants

Oh well, at least they kept us on the edge of glory ;)