Like a lot of people right now, I’m pretty stoked about this new Star Wars movie. With the last movie released 10 years ago, fans are relieved to finally stop waiting and enjoy the next part of their beloved series. This release, however, has sparked a bit of frustration in me. What about all of those other movies that directors have promised us or teased us with over the years? When do we get to enjoy those?! So, in light of this beautiful Star Wars revival, here’s a list of movies that I’m still waiting for. We can get the ball rollin’ on these anytime now, Hollywood.
WARNING: “SPOILER ALERTS” AHEAD… kind of.
1. Avatar 2 (I’m talking about the blue people, folks)
OK, I know that this one IS actually coming out EVENTUALLY, but my issue with it is how long it is taking. “Avatar” was such a box office success, ranking first on the list of highest grossing movies of all time, but it’s been six years, James Cameron! Don’t let this fire fizzle out. It’s not like “Jurassic World,” which reignited the flame of the original Jurassic Park TRILOGY; “Avatar” was just one movie. Sure, graphics take a while to get right, and he’s doing research and all that, but come on, man…you’re REALLY going to make us wait until Christmas of 2017 to see it?
2. Elf 2
“Yo, other Christmas movies, I'm really happy for you, I'ma let you finish, but 'Elf' was one of the best Christmas movies of all time”! Despite Will Ferrell giving 'Elf 2' hopefuls a big fat N-O, I’m still waiting. The first movie ended with (SPOILER ALERT) Buddy having a baby daughter with Jovie. So what, Will Ferrell? You want out? OK -- Zooey Deschanel still rocks; I’d watch a movie about Jovie getting acquainted with North Pole life; OR we can find another comedian to play grown up baby Susie -- cough Amy Schumer?
3. Princes
This is a real thing. This one is not a sequel, but it is a movie that deserves some love -- mostly because of its portrayal of love. “Princes” was rumored to be a new Disney movie coming out about two Princes who fall in love and end up getting married. I think it’s time for the LGBTQ* community to get some representation in Fairy Tales. What about kids with two dads or two moms? Don’t they deserve a movie that better reflects their lives? Why, in cartoons ESPECIALLY, does it always have to be a prince and a princess? There’s so much to say about this movie, but I’m going to sum it up by saying that it should just get made already. Don’t back out of this one, Disney -- that’s what we would call “a mistake.”
4. Beauty and…Prince Adam
Speaking of Disney…
I get it, the movie is called “Beauty and the Beast.” The franchise is SUPPOSED to keep up with having Belle and her beast counterpart. The thing is, I’m tired of these “Beauty and the Beast” “sequels” coming out with the beast still being a dang BEAST. At the end of the original Disney movie (SPOILER ALERT), the beast is transformed back into a human along with all of his castle friends. I want to see THAT movie. I want to know how Belle and “Prince Adam” live -- does Mrs. Potts still live in the castle? Did Chip grow up to be a rebellious teen? Did anyone go to jail or care that Gaston died? I. want. to. know.
5. Alternate Ending Titanic
OK, James Cameron, here’s another bone I have to pick with you, Sir. I’m not asking for a whole new Titanic movie; it was fine, but can we just fix the ending so that either Jack lives (because I’m tired of crying over it) OR WE GIVE ROSE A SMALLER DOOR TO LAY ON? It’s been proven -- they could’ve both lived. Myth = busted. Just please fix it so I can stop being salty.
6. Wizard of Oz Remake
I know I’m going to get some strange looks for this one. I get it; classics are great! I just don’t care about “Oz the Great and Powerful”; I want to see Dorothy and all of her friends in a shiny new light. I liked the original a lot. But, I would love to see a modern remake even more.
*Instead of starting a war with Original Movie enthusiasts by giving all of my desired remakes a paragraph of their own, here’s a quick list of some of the other ones I want to see: “Breakfast at Tiffany’s,” “The Breakfast Club,” “E.T” (this could also just get a revival), “It’s a Wonderful Life.”
7. The books we were forced to read in high school
Again, I can’t pick just one. I’m not even asking for these so kids can stop reading and start watching. The chances are, these movies would probably just end up with a mediocre reputation (at best) among English teachers everywhere. I just want to see these books made into MODERN movies. I’ve read “The Odyssey” about four times now. I think I deserve to watch a good version of it for once. Here are my top picks: “1984,” “Fahrenheit 451,” “The Catcher in the Rye.” See, I didn’t even ask for that many.
8. Literally any Harry Potter Spinoff
Seriously, JK Rowling, you write it first, then we’ll make it. Even if it’s just to get us to shut up for five minutes. We would read it. We would watch it. Make it about
a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g.
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Commerce? Sure. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Soda? OK. Harry Potter and the Order from Amazon? Could be neat. Harry Potter and the Half-Finished Puzzle? I bet Harry would get the job done. Harry Potter and the Deathly Smell of the Garbage Can He Forgot to Empty? Why not?
Literally anyone. Just…more, please.
Look, I’ll even release my right for credit for any of these movies. I just want to see them, and I want to see them NOW.
