I went to watch the "Incredibles" and "The First Purge" a couple of weeks ago, and I realized "It's been a long time since I've gotten time to chill with a movie on the big screen." Of course, since it wasn't only me and the screen (I'm waiting for my personal home theater to be constructed), I also realized that human nature doesn't really change and that the same type of people are still dominating the cinema-inhabiting monarchy.
1. The lovesick couple
Because a PG movie was apparently the only place they could get away to have some quality PDA. This lovesick pair probably never wanders into a romance movie on accident because they'd be clutching each other like they were the ones experiencing all the traumas and joys of romance. Usually, these are younger couples but there are some lucky ones who have seniority and still believe that there's more to movie chemistry than merely holding hands.
2. The cellphone worshipper
This is the person who obviously wasted their money on a ticket because they show no interest in the movie whatsoever. Not only that, they decide to waste other people's hard-earned 10 bucks by constantly being attached to their phones for the entire duration of the movie. The worst ones are those who decide to ignore all the announcements about phones bring turned off and who make everybody glance their way with the constant pings and whooshes their phone is emitting. It's only the fact that their attention is stuck like a leech to the screen that they don't notice the angry mob that's directing murderous glances at them.
3. The elite
I always thought movie theaters were an indication of a fair society; he who comes first gets first pick of seats. But even after that, there are some people who act like they've paid up in gold for their seats. Constantly fiddling with the recline and comfort controls, they feel no awkwardness in spreading their feet and arms in whatever position is most comfortable. Oh, there's somebody sitting next to me— I didn't notice. Meanwhile, the rest of us are trying to reshift our bodies in as comfortable a position as possible without disturbing their royal highnesses.
4. The restless souls
I do wish theaters were more firm about keeping track of people that go on restroom breaks. I'm not against restroom breaks, of course — when you gotta go, you gotta go. But some people seem to have itching powder in their feet, given by the number of times they'll enter and exit the movie room. Once, they come in with a bag of popcorn. Then, it's two doughnuts and a Gatorade. Whatever happened to planning snacks before the movie started? And bro, come on – what if you miss a really good part?
5. The discipliner
This is the old lady of the bunch, who believes even an accidentally loud cracking of gum should be met with a consequence of no less than a few lashes. I understand that people at theaters can be rude and self-centered (though the majority are innocent civilians who are merely trying to watch a movie in peace), but there's really no need to stage a coup and establish a dictatorship. And saying shhh every time a housefly bat's its minuscule wings isn't really heightening our enjoyment of the movie in any way — actually, it's ruining it. So relax, take a chill pill, and let karma deal with the troublemakers.