I'll admit that when I moved into my new dorm room at school four years ago, I never thought I would be one of those people who moves back home with their parents after graduation. In my case, I moved back home BEFORE graduation. Granted I only have 6 weeks left, but still, never thought it would happen.

Trying to accommodate my ever-changing school schedule into the one my family has acquired after I left has been the hardest thing to do. Living at home was supposed to put me at ease, knowing I get to come home and have dinner with my parents and my brothers and not worrying about traveling so much to see them was supposed to give me more free time to do what I want to do. However, that's proved to be entirely the opposite.

College gives you an inconsistent weekly schedule, with projects and big assignments mixed with hours of study time and, of course, designated Netflix binges. What I want to do at home is what I used to do when living on campus, but I've realized it's not that simple. I can't close my door and watch Netflix for two days without getting yelled at because I'm wasting my time or not being with family. I understand that I don't live alone anymore (because sometimes living with a roommate that you aren't friends with can feel like you're living alone). However, I also want the freedom to spend a weekend in bed surrounded by pillows, junk food, and ice cream, with my laptop propped up and a "Friends" marathon. You can't have it both ways, though.

Living at home means you need to pitch in with day-to-day chores and you're expected to "be a part of the family." Helping out with groceries or cleaning or running errands is obvious and there's nothing wrong with that; I now live at home so I can't just come and go whenever I please. My parents expect my to be around because I did move back home to be with my family.

Sometimes I think about all the free time I had living on campus and I think about eating what I wanted whenever I wanted, watching what I wanted whenever I wanted, and sleeping and waking up whenever I wanted. That freedom is now gone (just until I move out again). And I guess I kind of knew that when I packed up my dorm room and officially moved back into my old bedroom. But there was something wrong with it; it looked too much like my high school bedroom and it astonished me to see just how much I've grown since then. The posters on the wall, the color of the bedsheets, they all represented who I was when I was 16. Now that I'm 20, everything is different.

Re-decorating my bedroom was just the start. I had shifted my appetite and grew to eat whatever I could find at any given moment, completely eliminating a proper meal schedule. It would be a granola bar at 7 am, a bagel at 11 am, coffee at noon and then again at 2 pm, then lunch at 3 or 4 pm, tea around 5 pm with some pretzels or crackers, and then dinner at 8 pm, another tea at 10 pm, and maybe a granola bar around midnight. Now, I have breakfast, lunch and dinner, no coffee (because it's too expensive in NYC), and rarely do I eat anything after dinner. This adjustment is taking me a while to get used to, and sometimes I refuse to eat because after three years of a ridiculous eating schedule, I can't go back to normal in just two months.

Another change I noticed was how little I actually see my family. I moved back home to spend time with them, to be able to see them every day, and to not have to worry about traveling home on the weekends because I lived at home. However, my schedule is not their schedule, so if I don't wake up with they do, I don't see them until I get home from school, and most days that's not until past 10 pm when almost everyone is sleeping. This isn't what I wanted to happen and it makes me feel as if my choice in moving back home gave me less time to spend with my family than I had when I lived on campus. Weekends are preoccupied with homework and studying and trying to have a social life while my parents work and my brothers go out and do their thing. It's just me in the house.

I don't regret moving back home because although it's hard, I did it for a reason. I wanted to spend time with my family, time that I didn't have when I lived far away. And though I don't get to see them as often as I thought I would, I still really like those moments we get to share a laugh or argue because I truly believe that I missed the fights the most. I couldn't fight with anyone when I lived alone.

At least now I know that if I get home one random night and no one has any plans, we get an evening together. And, honestly, that makes it all worth it.